1. These class discussions no longer tickle any of your neurons.
2. And every group project finds you in this position.
Ban hungover junior/sophomore lab partners.
3. You’ve exhausted your dating pool, and don’t want to awkwardly run into your exes and frenemies on campus anymore.
4. You left all the distributive requirements for the last years, and now they just seem like a sly way to charge you extra thousands.
5. These awkward roommate situations were funny for a while, but now you feel too old for them.
6. And you’re too old to live in dorms/communes/frats/sororities.
8. Maybe you’ve had to TA a few freshman classes yourself, and realized how difficult hungover freshmen are.
And how arrogant and sloppy you yourself were in the beginning of college.
9. And the new freshmen keeping sounding younger and younger to you.
10. You’re too comfortable to be socially pressured into things anymore. Or be around people who find thrill in social pressure.
12. Juggling school + part-time jobs + poor food and sleep habits isn’t something you brag about anymore. You mostly want it to get better.
13. You’ve had your fill of collegiate culture, relished some bits, rejected others. They’re starting to feel quaint.
Not that you hated it all, but the time and place has passed.
14. But you don’t want to seem like a killjoy, so you zip your mouth.
17. Or run up against more campus fines, processing fees and tuition hikes.
(Visit to the school nurse: charged $300 for a fistful of Tylenol. Late for class registration: $500 and a kidney.)
18. You find yourself respecting deadlines less and less.
“Will a B+ instead of an A- make that much of a difference anyway?”
20. Drinking has changed from a momentous, exuberant thing to a constant, dully comforting (sometimes private?) habit.
Spoken as an English sentence, that sounds alarming. But, well.
21. Maybe you know your thesis won’t be useful in your future, or maybe you’re ready to be paid for its application already.
More of these at LolMyThesis.
22. Partying extra years in college sounded attractive a few years ago, but you’re ready to move on.
You remember pitying those tired, moxy-sapped seniors, but now you know how liberating it is to be done with it. No need to eulogize youth to the brink of tears. When you graduate you’ll be the freshman of the rest of the world. Things are just beginning.