Things Every Mom Needs.

Mother's Day was yesterday. I bought my Mom some magnets for her screen door and a very thoughtful card. I wish I had known about this website before today. Mother's Day would have been so much cooler. Sorry, Ma.

The website "Every Mom Needs" has some pretty good ideas. While some are obviously gender biased (for example, this), most of them are just ridiculous. Remember when Mom was happy with some weeds you thought were flowers and a card with your handprint and some chewing gum on it? Not anymore!

First up, stuff for your kids!

everymomneeds.com / Via EveryMomNeeds.com

This actually makes sense. Some Moms need to feed their children by hand, but EVERY MOM needs to make their child self-sufficient.

EveryMomNeeds.com / Via EveryMomNeeds.com

Now, granted, this IS a gag gift. BUT, my assumption is that EVERY MOM (in some parts of the Southern US) may mistake this for a real thing. I hear it's great for long road trips!

everymomneeds.com / Via EveryMomNeeds.com

Every Mom apparently needs a bunch of shit broken in her house and a constant fight between siblings about who popped who's ball(s).

everymomneeds.com / Via EveryMomNeeds.com

This baby carrying fleece monstrosity makes it easy for Mom for fulfill a couple of her needs. No longer will Mom have to yearn to pretend to be the alien from Alien or complain about needing to use both hands instead of just one! Check and check.

everymomneeds.com / Via EveryMomNeeds.com

Three words. NEVER. MOP. AGAIN.

everymomneeds.com / Via EveryMomNeeds.com

Everyone knows that, thanks to JJ Abrams, every Mom needs a Transformer in the family.

Every Mom needs coffee, you guys.

everymomneeds.com / Via EveryMomNeeds.com

Doctors, take note. Moms everywhere need you to "RX" them some sweet java. Unlimited refills.

everymomneeds.com / Via EveryMomNeeds.com

From the website: "Finally, we’ve found what every mom needs with her morning coffee, waking up to the face of Ryan Gosling! This mug will have every mom thinking it was custom made for them! The quality is superb and is dishwasher-safe & microwave-safe (won’t ruin Ryan’s moneymaker) and is exactly what every mom will want with her morning coffee!"

Moms also need wine.

everymomneeds.com / Via EveryMomNeeds.com

Convenient under-cabinet design means you don't have to stoop down in to the spilled Cheerios and stickiness that is the kitchen floor to get your salvation. 4 cheers for Moms everywhere!

everymomneeds.com / Via EveryMomNeeds.com

This holds 6.8 bottles of beer or 3.2 bottles of wine. Your kids shouldn't be the only ones getting nourishment from your knockers.

everymomneeds.com / Via EveryMomNeeds.com

Every Mom is tried of storing checkbooks, extra pacifiers, crackers, shoes, and baby wipes in their purse. Purses are reserved for important stuff, dammit!

Moms need Dads/2nd Moms to help out more...

everymomneeds.com / Via EveryMomNeeds.com

Bedroom use optional.

everymomneeds.com / Via EveryMomNeeds.com

So necessary because every Mom is also running out of Post-It Notes to remind people that lids go down.

Moms needs rings for a variety of reasons...

everymomneeds.com / Via EveryMomNeeds.com

Every Mom is tired of people thinking Scarlet Letters only apply to her. (This is a real thing. And it is GENIUS!)

everymomneeds.com / Via EveryMomNeeds.com

Every Mom needs you to lay down $15,000. Because, ya know, every Mom's happiness can be bought with pear shaped diamonds.

Finally, every Mom needs super expensive stuff she doesn't have room for!

everymomneeds.com / Via EveryMomNeeds.com

From the website: "We know the price tag is steep, but if you happen to hit the lottery tomorrow you can thank us then." So, apparently every Mom needs to win the lottery to take a relaxing soak while watching TV. Works well in conjunction with the Daddy Saddle and/or Wine Purse.

everymomneeds.com / Via EveryMomNeeds.com

When you damned kids won't leave you alone, this lighted pod will totally calm you down. "This is a must-buy for any moms with 10k laying around"

everymomneeds.com / Via EveryMomNeeds.com

From the website: "We can dream can’t we moms?". Every Mom needs to be a dreamer.

Also from the website: "If anyone is planning on purchasing, shoot us an email so we can come hangout!". Every other Mom is also a moocher.