An actual room ad: 'Absolutely No friends allowed in house. Im easygoing.[sic].'
1. There are so many options you don’t know where to start.
One of them is bound to have nice people and not be horrible and be in an ok place. But at the moment you have no clue.
2. Your sign up for ALL the alerts and your email inbox soon looks this.
3. Words like “cosy” take on whole new meanings.
“Spacious” basically just means you can open the door.
4. You realise pretty early on that you can’t afford to get annoyed by things like bad spelling.
But I don’t want a mint I want somewhere to live :(
5. Or ALL CAPS. Or exclamation marks.
6. You soon discover that all people are terrible.
7. Really, really terrible.
8. You start to wonder whether you’re being too fussy.
Maybe I can learn to like whatever “laddery” is?
9. Some room ads make you question whether the advertiser really wants a housemate at all.
11. Like someone to dress up as a walrus for two hours every day.
12. You get unreasonably excited when you get emails like this.
Only to be disappointed when you find out its someone telling you the room you were interested in has already gone.
13. You are forced to become much more optimistic than you’d like.
Maybe the lighting was just off and the room is not bright orange? And that is probably a walk in wardrobe and not the actual room, right?
14. And to basically double how much you’re willing to spend a month.
Hello London, goodbye money.
15. Prospective housemates want your whole life story before they’ll even let you see the room.
Is it not enough that I’m not weird and can pay the rent?
16. You get so desperate you consider moving into this former storage space.
According to the ad: “”Ideally it would suit someone less than 5’4 tall and with no history of claustrophobia.” But at least its only £40 a week, and right next to Paddington!
17. Eventually you decide that you could settle for living with someone who’s “an OK person”.
Bonus points if they have a “normal” house.
18. When you go to viewings you think you’re going to get murdered.
It could happen.
19. When it turns out a room isn’t available until well after you need to move you feel like you might murder someone.
Do the words “available now” mean nothing any more?
20. Chatting with the current housemates feels like you’re at a job interview.
“No, I don’t know where I want to be in five years time. Probably not here, though.”
21. Then you have to wait and wait and wait for them to get back to you.
And it takes FOREVER.
22. But then a miracle happens: Someone say yes! You (almost) have somewhere to live.
After doing a ton of paper work and handing over all of your life savings and/or overdraft to a letting agent for unspecified “fees” (you’re too scared to ask questions at this point in case they change their mind).
Now best get packing.
And try to make sure you don’t ever, ever have to move again.