Top Ten Annoying Questions I Get Asked As A Lyft Driver

I've been a Lyft driver in San Francisco for 7 months. These are the ten most annoying questions I get asked by my passengers.

1. How long have you been driving for Lyft?

"7 months." Though it feels like I've been driving half my life. Driving for Lyft is exhausting enough as it is, but in a city like San Francisco, it's no easy task. Thanks for asking.

2. Do you like driving for Lyft?

I usually hesitate when answering this question. "Sure." I know I'm expected to be positive about it, but some nights when I get home, I just want to crawl into a fetal position and put in an application at Trader Joe's.

3. Is this your full time job?

"No, but it's the only job I have that makes money."

4. Do you live in San Francisco?

"No. I'm priced out of the city. I live in Oakland." Thanks for reminding me.

5. What’s Oakland like?

"It's all right." I always feel like I have to be positive about living in Oakland, even though it's like a consolation prize when you move to the Bay Area to live in SF.

6. What’s the craziest thing that’s ever happened while driving for Lyft?

"I picked up this girl who was so wasted she didn't know where she lived. I had to drive around for 45 minutes until she finally recognized her building." Is that crazy enough for you?

7. Has anybody ever thrown up in your car?

"Yes, but he was a pro about it and caught most of it in his hands." Feel better?

8. Do you make good money doing this?

"It's better than minimum wage." Enough said?

9. Do you have a phone charger?

"Only for an iPhone 4." Seeing as how I work for Lyft, I don't make enough money to afford a 5. And no, I don't have any water, candy, Starburst or a kidney to offer you either.

10. Where’s your mustache?

When passengers ask me about the pink mustache, my answer varies. It depends who’s asking. I’ll say I forgot it at home. Sometimes I say it’s dirty. Or if it's been raining, I say I took it off so it didn’t get wet. Or I just came back from the airport. Once I told these two drunk girls that I’d attached it one day, drove over the Bay Bridge during a wind advisory and never saw it again. Then I pointed out that the mustache came with explicit directions: don’t drive over 40 miles per hour. Which of course is impossible to avoid if you live in a city with a freeway.