Ten Reasons Why Your Uber Driver Hates You

Now that everybody knows Uber drivers rate their passengers as well, here are some of the ways to guarantee a low rating.

1. Sending your driver to the wrong pick up location

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to use GPS. It doesn’t take any skill at all. You just press a button. And yet so many passengers fuck this up, forcing us to drive all over hell's half acre to find you. Yeah, mistakes happen, but if the app notifies you that I’ve arrived and you don't see me, perhaps you should check to see where you sent your car and either go there or, I don’t know, call me and let me know where you are.

2. Making your driver wait

When you request a ride, please be ready. Oh, yeah, I know, your time is soooo precious. And you don’t want to be bored for even half a second, so you request a ride 5-10 minutes before you expect to leave. After all, it’s not like your driver’s time is significant. Oh no, I just love to waste my time idling in traffic while cars back up behind me when I could be actually doing my job and making some money.

3. Forcing your driver to go around the block so you don't have to cross the street

I know, moving among the common folk is hard for royalty like yourself, especially since you’re so used to being curtsied to and having flowers strewn out before your feet when you walk.

4. Expecting water, phone chargers and treats

Didn’t your parents teach you to be prepared before you leave the house? I'm not running a general store here...

5. Treating your driver like a servant

Seriously, it’s okay if you don't want to talk to your driver. But instead of just getting in the backseat, barking out your destination and then staring at your phone the rest of the ride, maybe try saying something like, “Hey how's it going? Having a good day? Me, I need to catch up on some emails. If you'll excuse me...” Or, I don’t know, something else remotely civilized.

6. Puking in your driver's car

Unless you're homeless or on spring break, the world is not your toilet. If there were any justice in the world, besides getting charged a cleaning fee, your vomit would be collected in a paper bag and delivered to you in the morning COD.

7. Insulting your driver

There are people in this world who torture kittens. It’s true. I’ve driven some of them.

8. Leaving trash behind

It's too late to one-star you after you've gotten out of the car, so when you leave your candy wrappers and beer cans behind, all we can do is curse your soul to hell. You should treat a rideshare car like a national park: pack out what you pack in.

9. Not tipping your driver

Driving is a service job. And in America we tip service workers. Sure, it’s not an option in the Uber app. And yeah, who carries cash around with them anymore? But if you have a couple bucks in your pocket, hand ‘em over. It's just common decency since we're driving our cars into the ground for YOU!

10. Using Uber without a single thought about the consequences

Everybody uses UberX and Lyft because they’re so cheap. But have you ever wondered why they’re so cheap? And when the prices go down 30%, who do you think absorbs the difference? A corporation valued at billions of dollars? Or its marginalized workers? Err, I mean “partners.” Everybody wants a deal, but just like shopping at Wal-Mart, when you use Uber, little babies are going to bed hungry, old ladies are dying alone in their apartments and the soup lines just keep getting longer and longer.

Don’t let old ladies die alone in their apartments…