1. You longed to lose your virginity in the back seat of a car. BECAUSE OF THIS:
An entire generation secretly longed to lose their V-card in the trashiest way.
2. You tried so hard to watch the Spice Channel.
THAT WAS DEFINITELY A BUTT.
3. You really wanted to know what the slime tasted like.
Like, glue? Probably glue.
4. You used your own spit to apply those Fruit Stripes Gum wrapper tattoos.
And they always always always always came out blurry.
5. You sometimes feared that maybe you weren’t actually the Clarissa of your family. MAYBE YOU WERE THE FERGUSON.
6. Every time you ate a Popsicle, you felt guilty for chewing the stick.
7. You really wanted to sneak into the curtained “adults only” section of your local video store.
And were so disappointed when you finally went in on your 18th birthday.
8. And you were really confused that this movie, somehow, was not part of the adults-only room:
Only years later did you fully understand the placement of the Chrysler Building.
9. You had a lot of thoughts about your Barbie and Ken dolls, and the…smoothness of their anatomy.
Should mine look…like that?
10. You swallowed way more Bubble Tape than you’ll ever admit out loud.
Was there anyone who actually chewed it for more than two minutes?
11. You confessed an actual secret to SmarterChild.
IS ANYONE OUT THERE?
12. More than once, you tried to trick your Furby into revealing it was actually alive.
AND YOU SWEAR THAT ONE TIME, YOU SAW IT SMILE MENACINGLY.
13. You intentionally killed your Tamagotchi pet just to feel powerful.
And secretly wondered if this meant you’d grow up to be a serial killer.
14. You irrationally feared that your tattoo choker would suddenly get too tight and choke you to death.
The newspapers would read, “Too Fashionable To Live.”
15. You thought sniffing the red Mr. Sketch marker too much might kill you, and that sniffing the black one just once surely would.
Purple always felt safe, though.
16. You were convinced you were allergic to bees, even if you 100% were not.
Not even a doctor could persuade you.
17. You fully expected every pool you swam in to be haunted.
STAY IN THE RAFT.
18. You discovered Rotten.com and were simultaneously repulsed and fascinated by it.
Impossible. To. Look. Away.
19. You went to summer camp each year half-expecting to meet your twin sister.
And are still half-convinced she’s out there, you just never ended up at the same summer camp.
20. You spelled out the naughtiest word you knew on your Lite Brite, with one eye on your bedroom door.
Chances are, it was S-E-X.
21. You were legitimately attracted to a cartoon character.
They might not be real, but the lust is.