7 Reasons Why You Need To Hire Me

In lieu of your stupid online application that I'm convinced goes absolutely nowhere, here's this. CALL ME MAYBE.

1. I'm a very talented editor.

Via rantinglinguist.wordpress.com

Want to see some examples of grammatical idiocy I've found lately?

Follow my Tumblr and Facebook.

2. Oh, I'm a writer too.

Via puravidamultimedia.com

I have a personal blog about my recovery from addiction and eating disorders.

And my Facebook is overflowing with hilarious brain gems.

Not to mention my occasional BuzzFeed Community posts.

3. I'm educated.

Via cdn.someecards.com

Bachelor of Arts in Communications, 2008

Bachelor of Arts in Political Science, 2008

Graduate Coursework in Public Policy, 2009

Copyediting Certificate, 2014

4. I'm pretty.

I mean, come on… Look at my face.

5. I have a borderline creepy passion for grammar.

Via imfunny.net

Do you know what a dangling modifier is? An appositive? A nominative clause?

I DO.

6. I have a wealth of experience in various fields and capacities, both paid and volunteer.

Via quickmeme.com

Freelance Writer/Editor, 2007-Present

Chair, West LA Young Republicans, 2014-Present

Executive Assistant, 2013-Present

Studio Manager, Center Stage Dance LA, 2010-2012

Campaign Volunteer, David Benning for Congress, 2009-2010

Barista, The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, 2008-2009

Intern, Young America's Foundation, 2007-2008

Staff Writer/Proofreader, The Echo, 2007

Intern, The Conejo Valley Connection and The Santa Monica Star, 2007

7. I show up.

Via 9wtf.com

I've continued to show up to the most miserable job ever known to mankind for the past year and a half. BECAUSE WORK ETHIC.

Via rjds.ca

By now, you should be thoroughly convinced that it would be a mistake of gargantuan proportions for you to NOT hire me.

Good.

Let's chat.

Since you're now following my Facebook page, you can send me a message there.

Or perhaps you prefer email… [e-mail].

If you hire me, all your wildest dreams will come true.