1. 1. The first thing you do when you meet someone is look them up on Facebook.
2. 2. You have to pretend not to know things about people so they don’t think you’re creepy.
3. 3. You can find ANYONE on Facebook.
Including those annoying people who make themselves virtually unsearchable.
4. 4. You don’t even need to know their name to find them.
Just what they look like and who their friends are.
5. 5. Untagged photos are a legit thing to cry over.
6. 6. This is your reaction when you find a profile set to public:
It’s like Christmas. Maybe even better.
7. 7. Your friends come to you when they need information on someone.
And you HAVE to say yes, because just LOOK at that FACE.
9. 9. You’ve found at least one legit celebrity profile.
And it was the best day of your life.
10. 10. You learn more about people from their profile than from talking to them.
11. 11. And maybe, just MAYBE, you’re a little bit proud of what you can accomplish with a name and a public profile.
14. Stalk on, my creepy brethren.
- The U.S. will release Israeli spy Jonathan Pollard after 30 years. The move isn't tied to the Iran nuclear deal, American officials say.
- Joyce Mitchell, the prison worker who accused of helping two inmates escape from a New York prison, pleaded guilty and faces up to seven years in prison.
- The NFL has upheld Tom Brady's four-game suspension for his alleged involvement with the deflation of footballs 🏈