The 15 Types Of Kids You Meet As A Nanny

The good, the bad, and the downright disgusting.

1. The Clumsy One

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Most often a boy, this tiny drunkard may as well be Shrek on ice. With his slippery hands and oblivious outlook, he smashes his sister's art project, kills the goldfish, and spills his food all over himself on a regular basis. He is almost always wearing a cast.

2. The One Who Seems High

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This spaced out kid is constantly gaping with big ol’ bug eyes. When you ask him/her a question they stare at the wall for 10 seconds and then say, huh? Getting their attention is what I can only imagine it's like when you've been married for 80 years and just don't give a damn.

3. The Stinky One

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Blue cheese. Cabbage soup. Hot garbage. What in the hell do his parents feed him? Do they ever bathe him? Why does he always have a dirty film all over his body? Pray he doesn’t get in your car or touch you because that funk will linger longer than Kris Jenner at a party of 25 year olds.

4. The Tattletale

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This kid is usually a raging mama’s boy (or girl) and tells his parents everything. From his little sister accidentally smacking her head into a sharp corner to the fact that you ate his mom’s last ice cream bar, or were late to pickup, or said *the f word* no detail goes unnoticed or unreported. Nobody likes a snitch!

5. The Know It All

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This kid is full of useless facts, and not the good kind like your stoner friends. Useless shit about modern toys (wtf are Skylanders?) and some terrible movie her parents made her watch on an iPad so she’d be quiet on their recent road trip. The upside is that when she's wrong and you prove it, she stops talking for three minutes so you can have a moment to think.

6. The Kid Who Dresses Better Than You

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Typically the product of an artsy mother without a career, these kids look like they’re heading to Paris fashion week every single damn day. #jealous

7. The Thief

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This shameless crook thinks everything was created for their immediate gratification. Quite often an only child, he or she will happily take candy from a baby, their friend’s new turtle figurine, or your iphone. Then promptly break, lose, or pawn it.

8. The Beggar/Wanter/Needer/Grabber

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A product of parents who never say no, this kid asks you for crap all day long like a capitalist zombie. She wants snacks, play dates, treats, trips, and toys, WHILE you’re already doing/buying/eating one of said things. She needs to read that Berenstein Bears book on the gimmes. God help her parents when she's a teenager.

9. The Destroyer

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Dolls, dishes, dogs... anything is fair game for this little scumbag. His entire M.O. is to ruin EVERYTHING. And he does. Usually his parents do absolutely nothing, making your job impossible unless you want to get all crazy-eyed Tyra Banks on 'em. But by then it's too late. Barbie is now lieutenant Dan and his sister is crying like a housewife that ran out of Xanax.

10. The Crier

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Also known as a wuss, the crier thinks that all his or her problems can be solved with salty sadness. Unfortunately for them, it usually only works when mom is home to enable it. Anything triggers a waterfall, whether it's not knowing how to unbuckle a seatbelt, how to use chopsticks, or a failed attempt at convincing you to serve Ho Hos and cheddar bunnies for dinner.

11. The Clinger

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These kids are probably products of attachment parenting and literally never leave your side. At first it’s cute because they snuggle up like puppies, pouring themselves into your lap while you read your favorite kid's book (what's up Babar), but it stops being cute when they refuse to detach themselves from your body like some sort of demonic koala.

12. The Kid Whose Hand Is Somewhere It Shouldn't Be

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Like down his pants, in his nose, and in your back pocket. He's always eating before he washes his hands too. As much as you don't want to jump to conclusions, you can't help but wonder if he's going to turn out to be a creepy little pervert since he pretty much already is.

13. The Coddled One

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There’s a time in each parents life where they have to decide if their child will ever stop breast feeding. Metaphorically speaking of course. There are children whose parents let them evolve and those who treat their 8 year olds like they're mentally incapable of learning how to tie their shoes or feed themselves. They're the WORST type to work with because the parents treat you like you must also be incompetent and the kids can't even poop without holding your hand.

14. The Evil One

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This kid is just an asshole. His parents haven’t done their job countering the natural instinct to rule the world, thus making your job impossible. He does what he wants, when he wants, and will throw your ass under the bus at any moment. Run.

15. The Nice One

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The Unicorn! This kid is the shit. He’s cool, polite, and funny, but he has his moments because he’s a human. He isn’t glued to an ipad, he won’t hit you when he’s mad, and he brings his plate to the sink when he’s done with his dinosaur chicken nuggets. Hallelujah. Thank his parents and take notes so that your hypothetical future kids don't turn into Chucky.

*****Disclaimer: I love kids and these qualities aren't their faults. It takes a village so remember you can help kids become awesome by showing them how!*****