The Truth Befind Santa’s Wild Booze And Sex-Filled Night

For the first time ever, Santa’s actual trip is captured in photographs.

1. On Christmas Eve, Santa says goodbye to his favorite polar bear and leaves out some extra fish for the night

Lionel Cironneau / AP
ID: 771481

2. In his sleigh, he makes his first stop in Finland

Lehtikuva / Reuters
ID: 771443

3. But in his next stop in Russia, Santa has a few too many vodkas…

Ilya Naymushin / Reuters
ID: 771454

4. He wakes up at 5am next to a strange girl. Oh shit, he’s running late

Lionel Cironneau / AP
ID: 771455

5. His reindeer all left without him, so he catches a boat

Eliseo Fernandez / Reuters
ID: 771440

6. When he gets to land, he hotwires a motorcycle

Justin Sullivan / Getty Images
ID: 771456

7. Then he steals an elephant…

Chaiwat Subprasom / Reuters
ID: 771442

8. Dammit, when he gets to Rio de Janeiro, he’s spotted by some kids

Silvia Izquierdo / AP
ID: 771444

9. He’s gotta SCUBA across the Atlantic Ocean

Sukree Sukplang / Reuters
ID: 771450

10. Oooh awkward… he runs into an old mermaid flame.

Romeo Ranoco / Reuters
ID: 771441

11. Santa’s kind of a neatfreak, so in Tokyo, he stops to clean the windows on a building he stops at

Kim Kyung-Hoon / Reuters
ID: 771448

12. He drops by Afghanistan to say hi to a few friends

Fabrizio Bensch / Reuters
ID: 771452

13. Ugh hungover as heck and having to cycle across the Sahara

Max Rossi / Reuters
ID: 771475

14. Ok quick break to say hi to Katy Perry. Hey girl, how you doin’?

Astrid Stawiarz / Getty Images
ID: 771458

15. Finally, he buys a last minute commercial ticket home

The Arizona Republic, Tom Tingle / AP
ID: 771457

16. C’mon c’mon dude, don’t you know how this is?

Win McNamee / Getty Images
ID: 771479

17. Skiing back to the North Pole

Stefano Rellandini / Reuters
ID: 771474

18. And finally, back with his polar bear friend. What a night!

Lionel Cironneau / AP
ID: 771480

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