The Truth Befind Santa’s Wild Booze And Sex-Filled Night

For the first time ever, Santa’s actual trip is captured in photographs.

1. On Christmas Eve, Santa says goodbye to his favorite polar bear and leaves out some extra fish for the night

Image by Lionel Cironneau / AP

2. In his sleigh, he makes his first stop in Finland

Image by Lehtikuva / Reuters

3. But in his next stop in Russia, Santa has a few too many vodkas…

Image by Ilya Naymushin / Reuters

4. He wakes up at 5am next to a strange girl. Oh shit, he’s running late

Image by Lionel Cironneau / AP

5. His reindeer all left without him, so he catches a boat

Image by Eliseo Fernandez / Reuters

6. When he gets to land, he hotwires a motorcycle

Image by Justin Sullivan / Getty Images

7. Then he steals an elephant…

Image by Chaiwat Subprasom / Reuters

8. Dammit, when he gets to Rio de Janeiro, he’s spotted by some kids

Image by Silvia Izquierdo / AP

9. He’s gotta SCUBA across the Atlantic Ocean

Image by Sukree Sukplang / Reuters

10. Oooh awkward… he runs into an old mermaid flame.

Image by Romeo Ranoco / Reuters

11. Santa’s kind of a neatfreak, so in Tokyo, he stops to clean the windows on a building he stops at

Image by Kim Kyung-Hoon / Reuters

12. He drops by Afghanistan to say hi to a few friends

Image by Fabrizio Bensch / Reuters

13. Ugh hungover as heck and having to cycle across the Sahara

Image by Max Rossi / Reuters

14. Ok quick break to say hi to Katy Perry. Hey girl, how you doin’?

Image by Astrid Stawiarz / Getty Images

15. Finally, he buys a last minute commercial ticket home

Image by The Arizona Republic, Tom Tingle / AP

16. C’mon c’mon dude, don’t you know how this is?

Image by Win McNamee / Getty Images

17. Skiing back to the North Pole

Image by Stefano Rellandini / Reuters

18. And finally, back with his polar bear friend. What a night!

Image by Lionel Cironneau / AP