The 12 Worst Things About Being A Museum Caveman

Ooogh.

Look, I hate to be a complainer, because I know I have it pretty good here in this museum.

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1. But…. sometimes it’s just like, you just want to chill and start a fire with Grooook in private.

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2. You’re allowed to decorate your own walls, but the museum staff won’t give you proper paint rollers.

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3. Don’t even get me started on the tourists in fanny packs always stopping by.

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4. It’s annoying when you’re just trying to roast some mammoth with your friends and people are taking photos of you like you’re Justin freakin’ Bieber or something.

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5. The prima donna woolly mammoth is always trying to upstage you to visitors. Kids go nuts for the mammoth, you can’t even compete!

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6. And I have to say it: the food sucks.

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7. Is it too much to ask for one of those shower pouf things? They’re like 99 cents.

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8. You’ve got this great spear, but the guards won’t actually let you use it.

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9. Everyone’s always asking you if you know this guy:

Image by Michael Loccisano / Getty Images

10. And it’s like, “uh, no I’ve been stuck here in this corner with my rocks since 1978, I haven’t exactly had time to meet famous insurance spokesmen.”

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11. Between you and me, after a few years, the ennui just sets it. My heart just isn’t in it. I’m ready for the Bronze Age.

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12. Lastly I know this is TMI, but there are NO good waxing places in this museum.

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Oh yeah… there is a plus side: the babes. Awwoooga!

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