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36 Reasons Philadelphia May Be The Weirdest City

Love you, Philly, but you’re basically the Florida of the North.

1. The Wing Bowl is an eating competition and it happens at 5:30 in the morning.

William Thomas Cain / Getty

William Thomas Cain / Getty

 

2. Bing maps of the city apparently have gaydar:

3. The streets of this intersection:

4. Please observe this deep-fried Twinkie burger from Philly restaurant PYT:

Courtosey PYT / Via abcnews.go.com

5. Philly also has a doughnut bun burger.

PYT

6. Philadelphians eat something called a Krimpet. WHAT EVEN IS A KRIMPET?!?!

7. There is a strange obsession with Wawa iced tea:

8. There’s a swiss cheese masturbator who was caught repeatedly crankin’ off with a chunk of cheese:

MAYFAIR TOWN WATCH

9. And this classy gentleman:

10. When a pervert tried to expose himself to local high school “Goretti girls,” they kicked his ass.

11. The Philly Phanatic is a pervert.

12. I mean, WHAT EVEN IS HE????

13. The police are very sassy on Twitter:

14. This child wreaks havoc in an empty butcher shop window:

15. The native foliage looks like this:

16. “Philadelphia” is misspelled on the team’s official NFL gear:

17. Eagles fans are so rowdy that there was an in-house jail and court inside Veterans Stadium. This is Judge Seamus McCaffery who ruled over Eagles court:

The new stadium has better security measures, and doesn’t need the court, apparently.

18. This is what happens when two 49ers fans come to an Eagles game:

19. And in 1968, Eagles fans even pelted Santa with snowballs.

True story. Watch this little ESPN feature on it — it’s really funny.

20. This Phillies fan admitted to purposely vomiting on an 11-year-old girl.

Philadelphia Police Department / AP

21. Phillies fans have been known to throw D batteries at players who declined to join their team.

They threw them at J.D. Drew of the Cardinals in 1999 after he chose to go back to the draft.

22. Female Phillies fans attempted to put Ex-Lax into the food of a Giants player they saw at a restaurant.

Smooth move, Philadephia. Smooth move.

23. The Eagles and the Phillies shared a box of porn that was stashed in Veterans Stadium.

Something kind of gross about sharing porn, right? But former Eagle Hollis Thomas admitted it was true.

24. The word “JAWN.”

25. Speaking of words that don’t make any sense anywhere else, this is a map of where “Mischief Night” is used (in blue):

26. Philly has no respect for weathermen:

Fox TV / Via reddit.com

27. Or police vehicles:

28. People dress up like this on New Year’s Day:

29. Some mystery person keeps putting insane “Toynbee tiles” over the city:

30. The Philly mob had its own softball team.

HBO

This 2000 article about how the team led by George Borgesi (acquitted of racketeering just this year!) was rallying after losing many of its best players to jail is probably the best thing you will read all day. Way better than this, at least.

31. You can get a lawyer who can also pierce your ears:

32. Beloved weatherman John Bolaris got hoodwinked by two Russian women into spending $43K at a Miami nightclub.

33. And then his girlfriend took over his Twitter while he slept and offered to share her nudes.

Poor guy.

34. There’s a whole museum dedicated to gross medical stuff.

The Mutter Museum is super creepy and fascinating and definitely worth visiting.

35. The entire city is actually controlled by cats with laser paws. This is 100% factual.

Many citizens of Philadelphia don’t even know it’s true due to the mind control beams the cats use.

36. There’s a statue of a guy from some boxing movie in front of the fancy art museum:

William Thomas Cain / Getty

STAY WEIRD, PHILLY!!!!

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