Please Come To My Rave

Hi there. It’s me, your next door neighbor Ivan. I just wanted to inform you I’ll be hosting a rave this weekend, and I’d love you to come.

1. Hello neighbor, I found your dog in my yard again. While I’m here, I thought I’d invited you to my rave tomorrow night.

2. I see you have questions about what a rave is.

4. I’ll be dancing like this:

5. There will be the most beautiful ladies there

10. It is a very cool mature event for adults. Like you and me.

15. Wear your finest clothing, this is an event to dress to impress!

18. There will be the coolest DJs playing the most lovely rave music

23. We will abide by the P.L.U.R. rules

24. What is P.L.U.R. you ask? Peace, Love, Unity, Respect!

25. There will be a special chillout room, and also a friend zone. For friends!

26. You don’t need to bring any snacks, we shall feast on the music!

27. Oh yeah, don’t bother showing up until at least after 10pm.

28. Perhaps you shall desire a backrub, and I will be happy to do so for you:

29. Oh, and if it gets noisy, please just let me know instead of calling the cops.

30. See you tonight, gorgeous.

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Katie Notopoulos is a senior editor for BuzzFeed News and is based in New York. Notopoulos writes about the intersection of tech and web culture.
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