1. Look at this cute duck, chilling. Are you ready to feel?
A male mallard. A noble bird. A bird we feel familiar with. I know you, duck. I feel you.
2. Absolute confusion
Black ducks and female mallards look nearly identical and often live in the same places. It’s so frustrating to try to tell them apart! Female mallards have a little bit of white around their blue stripe.
Black ducks are a little more rare, so if in doubt, it’s probably a mallard. Especially if you see one hanging around a male mallard.
This is what a duck penis looks like. It is kind of gross. In fact, I feel really uncomfortable, do you?
This is the harlequin duck. It’s scientific name is Histrionicus histrionicus. Isn’t that just the absolute best scientific name ever? A histrionic duck that’s so vain it has these outlandish colors.
10. Hatred and revulsion
Ok, first off Muscovy ducks have really gross bumps around their faces (ew). Secondly, they’re really big and mean and when I was a little kid I remember these pair of mean big ducks chasing me around a pond and they were horrible. I know I’m not alone in hating these ducks, which are a domestic breed, not a wild duck native to North America.
11. Warm and happy memories
I absolutely loved this book as a kid. It probably helped that I’m from Boston where it’s set. There’s even duck statues in the Boston Common park to commemorate this beloved children’s classic.
Daffy Duck puts me on edge. Everything about him is this totally naked depiction of human hubris, failure, and lack of awareness to learn from our mistakes. It make me anxious just thinking about him.
Lookin’ swole as heck, there Donald. Got hella aesthetics.
This is a king eider duck. It lives in ocean, far up north. In the winter, it comes south as far as the Jersey Shore, and it’s a rare treat to see these crazy looking sea ducks.
It’s ok. We all wish we had a pile of gold coins to dive into.
Awww look at those baby red breasted mergansers pile onto their mommy’s back! Brb gonna go call my mom right now.
OH NO DUCK!!! WATCH OUT! NO NO NONONONONONOOOOO!