22 Feelings You Can Feel About Ducks

Feel with me. Feel the ducks.

1. Look at this cute duck, chilling. Are you ready to feel?

A male mallard. A noble bird. A bird we feel familiar with. I know you, duck. I feel you.

2. Absolute confusion

Black ducks and female mallards look nearly identical and often live in the same places. It’s so frustrating to try to tell them apart! Female mallards have a little bit of white around their blue stripe.

Black ducks are a little more rare, so if in doubt, it’s probably a mallard. Especially if you see one hanging around a male mallard.

3. Intense nervousness

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OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD I’LL DO ANYTHING, I WON’T EVEN SAY CUSSWORDS ANYMORE, JUST PLEASE LET THE DUCKS MAKE IT

4. Horney

This is what a duck penis looks like. It is kind of gross. In fact, I feel really uncomfortable, do you?

5. Delighted

This is the harlequin duck. It’s scientific name is Histrionicus histrionicus. Isn’t that just the absolute best scientific name ever? A histrionic duck that’s so vain it has these outlandish colors.

6. Desire

I’ve always wanted one of these duck handle umbrellas.

7. Stuck in the uncanny valley

Taxidermy of baby animals seems so sad.

8. Ok, now really freaked out

Oh god.

9. Uplifted

Who doesn’t love an underduck story?

10. Hatred and revulsion

Ok, first off Muscovy ducks have really gross bumps around their faces (ew). Secondly, they’re really big and mean and when I was a little kid I remember these pair of mean big ducks chasing me around a pond and they were horrible. I know I’m not alone in hating these ducks, which are a domestic breed, not a wild duck native to North America.

11. Warm and happy memories

I absolutely loved this book as a kid. It probably helped that I’m from Boston where it’s set. There’s even duck statues in the Boston Common park to commemorate this beloved children’s classic.

13. Anxiety

Daffy Duck puts me on edge. Everything about him is this totally naked depiction of human hubris, failure, and lack of awareness to learn from our mistakes. It make me anxious just thinking about him.

14. Embarassment

Oh, Daffy. I feel you.

15. Admirin’

Lookin’ swole as heck, there Donald. Got hella aesthetics.

16. Wonderment

This is a king eider duck. It lives in ocean, far up north. In the winter, it comes south as far as the Jersey Shore, and it’s a rare treat to see these crazy looking sea ducks.

17. Satisfaction

Don’t laugh at me, dog.

18. Wrong

Doggie, this is wrong. This is very wrong.

19. Jealousy

It’s ok. We all wish we had a pile of gold coins to dive into.

20. Love

Awww look at those baby red breasted mergansers pile onto their mommy’s back! Brb gonna go call my mom right now.

21. Fear

OH NO DUCK!!! WATCH OUT! NO NO NONONONONONOOOOO!

22. Surprise

Oh, hello there, friend!

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