1. You are sitting (or standing) in front of a computer, phone, or tablet.
2. Your computer, tablet, or mobile device is turned ON.
Please note: The ON button on your device or computer may vary.
3. You are using a web browser application on your computer, tablet, or mobile device
You might be using any of of these! Except I guess not Netscape because that doesn’t exist anymore, and frankly I have no idea what some of these are.
4. However, if you are on an iOS or Android mobile device or tablet, you MAY be using the BuzzFeed app.
5. Your computer, tablet, or mobile device is connected to the internet and is receiving signals from the BuzzFeed servers, sending images and information to your device.
6. You are awake and alert, with your eyes open and looking at the screen in front of you.
7. You are undistracted by outside stimuli, focusing all your mental energy into reading this post.
8. You have at least a conversational-level comprehension of the English language and are able to understand this text.
9. You are still reading the text on this page. Against your better judgment, you have not yet closed this tab. Something is compelling you to read on.
10. Your mind is completely engaged and focused. You are starting to feel fairly certain that, yes, you are indeed reading this post. All signs point toward it. Your powers of deduction are tingling.
11. The certainty that you are reading this post is shining clearly through the dim fog of the internet. A light of all those who had read this post before you, calling out to you, asking you to join them.
12. You desperately WANT to be reading this post. You have never longed for something so deeply. You know in your heart that your destiny has always been for you to read this post.
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- CC Sabathia, a pitcher for the playoff-bound New York Yankees, says he's checking himself into an alcohol rehab center. ›