15 Ways Bicycling Isn’t How You Remember

Just like riding a bike, except add a few pounds and a much stronger fear of death.

Bicycling as a kid: Awesome

You did it all because you were invincible.

Bicycling as an adult: WTH is happening?

Wait, this used to be easy.

1. Excruciating butt pain

How did you do this every day after school when you were a kid? How do you still have a butt at all? Hope you have someone willing to give you a butt massage, cuz those cheeks are blushed.

2. Sweat smell at work

Yes, that’s you. Time to invest in some hard-working body spray.

3. Your appetite is more of a monster than usual

The hunger is so real because you’re actually burning calories now.

4. You have a sugar crash at least twice a day

If your boss doesn’t like you napping at your desk, just tell them you’re an athlete now.

5. Your seat MUST be at the right height.

Or you have to play the hop, skip, fall on your face routine. In front of everyone.

6. Turning sharp corners is a lot harder than you remember.

You’re convinced you’re going to slide into a ditch if you lean over any more. Brake, BRAKE!

7. You’re slower than all the other commuters and it’s embarrassing

You know those suits decked out in LL Bean zipping by tick you off their personal best lists. They’ll relish in the memory at their high power jobs and Cross Fit sessions while you still try to figure out how to down-shift.

8. You want all the biker swag.

Yes please.

9. You’re super concerned your bike will be stolen.

You might even take your back wheel and/or seat with you, to be extra cautious. Thieves are all around.

10. Friends/family/coworkers are suddenly shouting “UGH BIKERS ARE MY PET PEEVE” at you

“I hope you’re not one of THOSE bikers. Do you follow the rules of the road?”
:( Can’t you see I’m just trying to save the planet?

11. Drivers really do hate you.

Why can’t we be friends?

12. You get it, though. People do stupid things like text and bike.

Or ignore traffic laws and ride on crowded sidewalks. Newbs.

13. You think you’re saving the planet.

When you were a kid, you biked for fun and because it got you to the pool faster. Now you get to calculate your carbon footprint and post it smugly on Facebook.

14. You bike because it saves you buko bucks.

Despite all the sweat, butt pain and close encounters with the concrete, the wind in your hair and extra cash in your pocket makes it all worth it.

15. And you’re losing weight AND having fun.

All in a day’s commute.

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