So you compulsively bite your nails...
Or maybe you compulsively pick them...
Either way, you are without a very essential tool.
1. You can never satisfy the itch.
2. You have to call in reinforcements.
3. Everything you own still has a price sticker on it.
4. You just eat around the fruit stickers.
5. Trying to pick up coins from flat surfaces is always Fun.
6. Dropping your credit card or Metrocard is also an Exciting Thing that happens.
Regis Philbin, can I phone a friend to help me??
7. And even when they are safely resting in your wallet where they're supposed to be, you still can't get them out.
8. You don't paint your nails
9. Because when you do, you feel like an eight-year-old who just came from a makeover party.
10. You can pick your friends...
11. But you can't pick your nose or your friends' noses because you are physically unable to.
12. Opening these bags is impossible.
Cheryl, could I bother you to open this for me??
13. Unless you have floss with you, the food stuck in your teeth is staying there.
View this video on YouTube
14. Tapping your nails against a table is much less dramatic.
15. You don't even wear certain necklaces because you can't open the clasp on them.
16. SEND HELP.
17. Most containers have been taken out of your repertoire.
18. and without further ado:
THESE THINGS.
THESE SATANIC SPHERES THAT YOU CANNOT PEEL.
