Realistic Diet Advice For The Lazy And Life-Loving

Weight-loss without all that hard work-y kind of stuff.

1. Microwave steamers are your friend

A quick fork-stab and 3-4 minutes in the microwave are all that separate you from freshly steamed vegetables, an entire large plate for 100 calories in fact. There’s probably nothing simpler than a little dressing on a heaping cooked plate without dishes, work, or expertise to force you into healthy foodstuffs really. I have a major crush on these, obviously. It’s like a salad, but you get to eat something besides a salad!

2. Dat hydration

Find a nice permanent water bottle and guzzle the whole day through- just trust me. And science, and everyone else: drink the water.

3. Cool it on the cool ranch

Dressings are really just not meant to be a food group. Get it on the side and dunk your salad mindfully or just try to cut the condiments down on everything you eat, and that ranch may round to results. But seriously, opt for some low-cal vinaigrettes, and note that low-cal is way more important than low-fat.

4. It’s not like you need to… not drink alcohol

You already know what I’ll say: vodka soda. Lowest cal liquor, zero cal mixer. Or use any diet water flavoring, like the powder or squirt bottles offering lemonade, fruit punch, or anything in a tiny packet added to water. Alcohol is basically pure calories but I mean, live a little guys.

5. Eat dessert as much as possible

Just make that dessert fruit. Don’t frown at me! Fruit is good! Try some and tell me you really need anything sweeter- and consider this dessert keeps you lookin’ sweet too. Okay that was a little indulgent of me, but whatever.

6. Snack Pack Kick Back

Let’s just be honest: you aren’t eating any 100 calorie snack packs. You’re eating several. Because 100 calories of Oreos is about two, and that is really really really not going to happen. So stop tormenting yourself with half a serving of junk and fill yourself up with a massive, healthful quantity of natural foods, instead of a silver of pure fructose that makes onlookers weep.

7. Math is terrible

Counting calories… is terrible. But also enlightening. I don’t recommend living your life/diet efforts this way because it’s time consuming and stressful but if you really don’t understand what’s up with your weight, calories are the answer. MyFitnessPal and a food scale offer the truth we all don’t really want to know, but if you think you’re going into *starvation mode* and need to eat more to lose weight… think again.

8. Sad carbohydrate newsbreak

Dear sweet pasta, I will miss you so. There’s no way to overstate my emotional connection to pasta, curry, potatoes….slobber… but unfortunately the fact stands that a square foot of carbs aren’t actually the most waistline friendly meal. Hope is not lost, still feel free to linger over a side of blessed spaghetti, but try to remember that grains don’t belong front and center in a diet. Even if our hearts disagree.

9. Do healthy things, I guess

Okay wait, I know I said this was the cheat route! Even if you don’t get super into fitness, just try a quick workout and you’ll feel like eating better all dayit’s science. Okay, science has conflicting opinions, but working out at the very least makes keeps you aware of your body, ups water intake, and gives you some sugar-free energy for the day. Now go forth and diet (if you’re into that!)

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