Dream Announcements for E3 2009

Back in 1969, I shared a dinner with John Lennon, Mick Jagger and Yoko Ono. The night was casual; we sat on the floor and ate chicken and rice (Ono's favorite) with our fingers. Around the time dessert arrived - rice pudding, rice was the dinner's theme - Jagger asked Lennon if he could cover the relatively recent single, "Hey Jude." Lennon adamantly refused and after Jagger continued to needle him for permission, Lennon shouted "Mick, you can't always get what you want" unintentionally inspiring Mick Jagger to write one of the greatest Rolling Stones songs. That story is false. And so are the following fifteen announcements that I absolutely guarantee you won't see at E3 2009. No matter how much you (and countless other gamers) want them.