News Punchlines 12/22/14
It has been reported that Jeb Bush, brother of former President George W. Bush, and son of former President George H.W. Bush, is the clear frontrunner for the Republican Candidate in the 2016 Presidential Election. If Jeb wins the oval office will have seen more bush than the Clinton Administration. A gun smuggling operation was broken up this week at the Atlanta International Airport. It has been reported that some employees of Delta Airlines had been sneaking guns onto the planes. They were caught because one of the employees loaded the gun with 4 ounces of lotion. Michael Sam admitted to Oprah Winfrey this week that a few NFL players have contacted him and applauded him for being openly gay. Sam continued to say that those same men came out to him and admitted they were gay as well. Sam kept the names of those players anonymous, but Clay Mathews we all know you’re a lesbian. Dustin Diamond, known for his role as “Screech” on the popular 1990’s sitcom “Saved by the Bell”, was arrested early Friday morning for allegedly stabbing someone in a bar fight. Ironically Extra’s A.C. Slater was the first one on the scene. This week Google finished the prototype of their new driverless car. While Bing is still developing plans for their horse drawn carriage. A Utah man was hospitalized after an eggnog drinking contest at his office Christmas party. He drank an entire carton of eggnog in 12 seconds. Some of the eggnog traveled into his lungs and he almost drowned. Diana Nyad is now going to try to chug eggnog from here to Cuba. This week North Korea has expressed it’s outrage at the release of the movie “The Interview.” They claim that President Barack Obama forced Sony to release the movie in theatres and to distribute it. Sony replied with, “why would we take orders from a valet?”
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