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25 Words That Have A Totally Different Meaning When You’re A Retail Worker

Returns…

1. Holidays

What it usually means: A time to relax and enjoy time off with your loved ones.
What it means for retail workers: The most horrific, exhausting time of the year, and the only place to hide is the stock room.

2. Sensors

What it usually means: Items that prevent theft and help protect merchandise.
What it means for retail workers: Subtle reminders that people are stealing and ripping holes in everything your store has to offer.

3. Teens

What it usually means: Young people experiencing the best years of their lives.
What it means for retail workers: Vicious monsters that will ransack every pile, every shelf of merchandise they set their beady eyes on. Thank god you were never 17.

4. Standards

What it usually means: A high level to set your sights on for consistent success.
What it means for retail workers: Having brief existential crises over cleaning things that are already clean.

5. Shrink

What it usually means: A reduction in inventory due to shoplifting and employee theft.
What it means for retail workers: Protecting your store’s merchandise until someone threatens to punch, stab, or shoot you.

6. Returns

What it usually means: A chance to return goods you’re unsatisfied with.
What it means for retail workers: A chance to get yelled at by customers when you tell them that you cannot return or exchange the merchandise they destroyed.

What it usually means: The private space where customers can try on anything their heart desires.
What it means for retail workers: The frightening hellhole where any excess amount of filth, dirt, and if you’re lucky, urine will be left at your expense.

8. Customers

What it usually means: A person who purchases goods or services from someone.
What it means for retail workers: The worst people on earth. As soon as you clock in, they assume you’re a robot without feelings and thoughts of your own.

9. Meals

What it usually means: An intimate occasion between you and the most majestic thing in the world — food.
What it means for retail workers: Fast food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, usually stuffed into your facehole between driving to and from work.

10. Displays

What it usually means: Fixtures that showcase how wonderful a brand’s product will look in your home.
What it means for retail workers: Repeatedly telling customers that they are not for sale, and explaining that you’ll lose your job if you sell them.

11. Taglines

What it usually means: Cool catchphrases that increase sales for a company.
What it means for retail workers: The most efficient way to embarrass yourself and get ignored by a customer.

12. Sales

 

What it usually means: A discount on normal priced items.
What it means for retail workers: Explaining to customers the math behind 50% of $100.

13. Hangers

What it usually means: A shaped object with a hook at the top. They hang clothes and keep ‘em wrinkle-free.
What it means for retail workers: Annoying, frustrating pieces of crap you’re forced to finger space.

14. Black Friday

What it usually means: The only day where you can get discounts on LCD TVs and pay $5 for overpriced DVDs.
What it means for retail workers: You dread this moment all year round. The epitome of everything that is wrong with the world.

15. Salary

Fox / Via instagram.com

What it usually means: A regular paycheck, typically paid on a monthly or biweekly basis.
What it means for retail workers: Having just enough money for gas, maybe rent, and some gorditas at Taco Bell.

16. Shipment

What it usually means: Sending goods through the mail so another party can enjoy them.
What it means for retail workers: Moving, scanning, cutting, emptying, and folding endless boxes of merchandise until you’ve completely lost track of how many hours you’ve lost.

17. Marketing

What it usually means: Presenting, communicating, and exchanging offerings that have value for customers.
What it means for retail workers: You have the exciting opportunity to read these signs to customers because they cannot do so themselves.

18. Downtime

What it usually means: A time to relax and collect yourself.
What it means for retail workers: Something terrible will happen soon, whether you’re ready for it or not.

19. Rushes

NBC

What it usually means: To move quickly and with urgency.
What it means for retail workers: The time where customers flood your store and put the “fast-paced environment” in retail.

20. Complaints

What it usually means: A way to express your disinterest or concerns with a company.
What it means for retail workers: Hearing every terrible decision your company has made that you have absolutely zero control over.

21. Prices

AMC

What it usually means: The amount of money expected, required, and used for payment.
What it means for retail workers: Being scolded because you do not have the power to lower them.

22. Employee discounts

What it usually means: An agreement where employees can purchase their employer’s products for a fraction of the cost.
What it means for retail workers: Spending more money than you actually make at your job.

23. Walkie-talkies

What it usually means: A portable two-way radio used to communicate suspicions of theft, as well as general comments and concerns between co-workers.
What it means for retail workers: Another chance to vent by talking shit to co-workers about customers.

24. Going out

What it usually means: Spending quality time with your family and friends, relieving stress with or without some alcohol.
What it means for retail workers: Drinking before, during, or for a brief period after work.

25. Closing

What it usually means: It’s time to for customers and workers to go the hell home.
What it means for retail workers: If the doors aren’t locked and sealed, customers will continue to shop in the store until you’re forced to kick them out.

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