1. DO bring the creepiest doll you can find to intimidate your opponents.
2. DON’T spend hours crafting a hat shaped like a ring your team will never win.
3. DO go parking lot scooter skiing.
4. DON’T shave a bridge into your head.
5. DO get an awesome nickname.
6. DON’T have that nickname be “Hipster Streaker.”
Taking off your clothes is so mainstream.
7. DO party so hard that the handcuffs come out to play.
8. DON’T use those handcuffs as weapons.
9. DO wear two killer Bronco statues on your shoulders.
10. DON’T wear gaudy number-glasses to a ceremony honoring a recently deceased athlete.
11. DO bedazzle your foam finger.
12. DON’T bedazzle your face, shirt, and fake ram horns.
13. DO wear a fake mustache to honor Jeff Fisher if you’re an adorable girl.
14. DO wear a fake mustache to honor Jeff Fisher if you’re an adorable girl. (So important, it had to be said twice.)
15. DON’T wear a fake mustache if you have a bedazzled face, shirt, and fake ram horns.
16. DO reimagine Elvis as a character in the Green Lantern universe.
17. DON’T take investment advice from this guy.
FINAL SCORE: Seattle 27 - Dallas 7
18. DO take a break from your job in the Blue Man Group to watch your team play.
19. DON’T take a break from your job on the Death Star to watch your team play.
Vader doesn’t play that shit.