1. Dontari Poe Got Romantic With Roger Goodell
Dontari: I didn’t expect to feel this way…
Dontari: It’s the hair. It’s so… Red. I can’t help myself.
2. The Browns Drafted Brandon Weeden, The Oldest Player Ever Drafted
3. AdaRn Schefter Made His Triumphant Return
Twitter’s favorite ESPN-imitating troll was back giving fake news. His mayhem wasn’t as wide spread as the last time, but both Jets and Browns fans freaked out for a second, which is pretty cruel really. Do those two fan bases really need more pain?
4. Twitter Discovered That Ryan Tannehill’s Wife Is Very Attractive
Sample Tweet: “If that’s Tannehill’s wife, he is best decision maker in the draft. Andrew who? RG what? Wow.” - The very funny and informative @rivalsmike.
5. Melvin Ingram And Roger Goodell Had An Awesome Handshake
But then Chevy Chase paid them to teach him how to do it and they both felt like whores. It was surprisingly sad.
6. Andrew Luck Became The Really Goofy Face Of The Indianapolis Colts
7. No Seriously, He Was Really Goofy
8. Like “Asked His Older Sister’s Best Friend To Prom” Goofy
9. Like Calls Roger Goodell “Rog” Goofy
10. Like “The Living Embodiment Of The ‘40 Year Old Virgin’ Poster” Goofy
- Owen Labrie was found not guilty of felony sexual assault charges stemming from a 15-year-old former student's accusations that he raped her at St. Paul's School. ›
- Former U.S. President George W. Bush delivered a speech honoring New Orleans' teachers during a visit marking the anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. ›
- Police confirmed 71 people, likely refugees who fled Syria, were found dead in a truck abandoned in Austria. ›