Step One: Be Left Off Your Nation's Olympic Team
Step Two: Lose To The Surprise Stars Of The 2012 MLS Season
Step Three: Be A Douche, Kick The Ball At The Ref (Or At Sam Cronin)
Step Four: When The Fight Comes, Don't Flinch. Look Badass
Step Five: Receive Bonus Points For Looking Like A Crazy Confederate General
Step Six: Randomly Push Some Guy With Carlos Valderrama's Hair
Step Seven:Make Sure You Have A Good Blocker So You Don't Actually Have To Fight
Step Eight: Make Sure To Use Language That Is Appropriate To The Situation
Step Nine: Win Everyone Over Again By Scaring The Mascot