10 Photos That Show What NBA Stars Are Actually Like: Second Half Prediction Edition

So now you can know what LeBron, Kobe, and company are actually like thanks to these totally real and not at all made up quotes.* Again, definitely, totally real.

1. LeBron James Will Have The Best Statistical Season Of His Career And Still Not Win The MVP

LeBron James is murdering the NBA this season, but no one is going to care until he shows he can do it in the playoffs. If the Thunder stay hot Kevin Durant will get it. If they don’t, the voters will do everything they can to give it to someone else, even though LeBron is doing everything he can to make them like him again. Seriously guys he’s so sorry about last year, he might even consider going back to Cleveland. And of course no one would consider doing that unless they felt like they had to.*

*I am a bitter Clevelander, who doesn’t appreciate LeBron’s pandering.

2. Jeremy Lin Will Lead The Knicks To The Playoffs Only To Disappoint The Crazy New York Fans By Losing Early

It’s great that Jeremy Lin has Knicks fans believing, but if they end up facing the Heat or Bulls in the first round, which is a looming possibility, their time in the post season will be brief.

3. Zach Randolph Will Come Back From Injury And Lead The Grizzlies To The Western Conference Finals

I love that this guy turned into this guy. It’s totally possible that Zach Randolph was abducted by aliens two years ago and replaced by a robot who plays a mean power forward.

4. Javale McGee Will Throw Down One Of The Most Spectacular Breakaway Dunks Of The Season With One Major Drawback

JaVale McGee is the absolute best. He planked during an exhibition game last summer. He ran down to play defense last week during a Wizards offensive possession. He is going to make John Wall the first player to have a heart attack during a game. I don’t think I could love him more.

5. DeMarcus Cousins And Jimmer Fredette Will Star In A Buddy Cop-Themed Viral Video

This one is wishful thinking. Hey DeMarcus and Jimmer, I will pay for the production of this video. @JPMoore on Twitter. Let’s make it happen.

6. Deron Williams’ Happiness In New Jersey Will Continue To Deteriorate Until He Qualifies For Support From Amnesty International

Or until the team moves to Brooklyn this summer and immediately agrees to pretend like this season never happened. (Who hasn’t had a year or two in New Jersey that they wish they could forget?)

7. Derrick Rose Will Lead His Team To The NBA Finals And Seemingly Have No Fun Along The Way

Derrick Rose hates fun. He loves being the best point guard in the NBA. He loves having other people take standardized tests for him. He loves cuddling with New Orleans guard Jarret Jack. But he hates fun.

8. Blake Griffin Will Dunk On Jeremy Lin, And The Internet Will Explode

The details of the Mayan prophecy are beginning to come into sharper focus.

9. The World Will Fall In Love With Kyrie Irving

Kyrie Irving has the voice of an angel and the smile of a teen idol. Plus he’s the best rookie point guard the NBA has seen since the fun-hating Derrick Rose burst onto the scene (sorry John Wall). If the Rookie/Sophomore Game at All-Star Weekend was any indication, fans are about to have a love affair with this kid.

10. Kobe Bryant Will Continue To Have No Friends And Yet Seemingly Have The Time Of His Life

Kobe Bryant has no friends. He only has future enemies.

*All quotes made up by JP Moore.

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