1. LeBron James Will Have The Best Statistical Season Of His Career And Still Not Win The MVP
LeBron James is murdering the NBA this season, but no one is going to care until he shows he can do it in the playoffs. If the Thunder stay hot Kevin Durant will get it. If they don’t, the voters will do everything they can to give it to someone else, even though LeBron is doing everything he can to make them like him again. Seriously guys he’s so sorry about last year, he might even consider going back to Cleveland. And of course no one would consider doing that unless they felt like they had to.*
*I am a bitter Clevelander, who doesn’t appreciate LeBron’s pandering.
2. Jeremy Lin Will Lead The Knicks To The Playoffs Only To Disappoint The Crazy New York Fans By Losing Early
It’s great that Jeremy Lin has Knicks fans believing, but if they end up facing the Heat or Bulls in the first round, which is a looming possibility, their time in the post season will be brief.
3. Zach Randolph Will Come Back From Injury And Lead The Grizzlies To The Western Conference Finals
4. Javale McGee Will Throw Down One Of The Most Spectacular Breakaway Dunks Of The Season With One Major Drawback
JaVale McGee is the absolute best. He planked during an exhibition game last summer. He ran down to play defense last week during a Wizards offensive possession. He is going to make John Wall the first player to have a heart attack during a game. I don’t think I could love him more.
5. DeMarcus Cousins And Jimmer Fredette Will Star In A Buddy Cop-Themed Viral Video
This one is wishful thinking. Hey DeMarcus and Jimmer, I will pay for the production of this video. @JPMoore on Twitter. Let’s make it happen.
6. Deron Williams’ Happiness In New Jersey Will Continue To Deteriorate Until He Qualifies For Support From Amnesty International
Or until the team moves to Brooklyn this summer and immediately agrees to pretend like this season never happened. (Who hasn’t had a year or two in New Jersey that they wish they could forget?)
7. Derrick Rose Will Lead His Team To The NBA Finals And Seemingly Have No Fun Along The Way
Derrick Rose hates fun. He loves being the best point guard in the NBA. He loves having other people take standardized tests for him. He loves cuddling with New Orleans guard Jarret Jack. But he hates fun.
8. Blake Griffin Will Dunk On Jeremy Lin, And The Internet Will Explode
The details of the Mayan prophecy are beginning to come into sharper focus.
9. The World Will Fall In Love With Kyrie Irving
Kyrie Irving has the voice of an angel and the smile of a teen idol. Plus he’s the best rookie point guard the NBA has seen since the fun-hating Derrick Rose burst onto the scene (sorry John Wall). If the Rookie/Sophomore Game at All-Star Weekend was any indication, fans are about to have a love affair with this kid.
10. Kobe Bryant Will Continue To Have No Friends And Yet Seemingly Have The Time Of His Life
Kobe Bryant has no friends. He only has future enemies.
*All quotes made up by JP Moore.