Title: Smurfs Director: Raja Gosnell Format: In theaters (July 2011) Rating: PG Genre: Comedy, Family, Animation Starring: Neil Patrick Harris, Jayma Mays, Katy Perry (Smurfette), Hank Azaria, George Lopez (Grouchy Smurf), Jonathan Winters (Papa Smurf) LA LA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA Does anyone find that song mildly annoying? You do? Some of the Smurfs are even annoyed by it too. But no worries, they are cute enough to deflect even the most annoying of songs. An old childhood favorite is back and on the big screen. The Smurfs go on their biggest adventure yet when the evil wizard, Gargamel, chase them from their magical village. (Yes, they still live in mushrooms!) In their haste to get away they tumble through a vortex and find themselves in a whole new world – our world! Central Park and New York City to be exact! With Gargamel (and his evil cat!) hot on their trail the little blue Smurfs must navigate through the city and find their way back home before the wizard captures them for his heinous plans. On their journey they meet new friends and change the lives of everyone they meet.
Ever do something you were not proud of as a child? Did you ever dream that one blunder would haunt you for the rest of your life? Ever think a mistake you made as a child could leave you paying the debt with your life years later? I made more of my share of mistakes growing up, I’m just happy I wasn’t a part of the Jokers Club. Once upon a time, there was a group of pleasant, young boys. They had meetings trying to decide how to better their community, how to help their fellow man, and how to lift the self-esteem of all those around them. This is NOT their story. The Jokers Club had a different agenda. Instead of planting flowers, walking the old lady across the street, and smiling at the dork in class, the Jokers Club is smoking (oh no!), removing dead bodies from the grave (NO JOKE!!), and something much, much worse (DUN DUN DUN!!!).
Nora Grey’s life is still far from perfect. Surviving an attempt on her life wasn’t pleasant, but at least she got a guardian angel out of it. A mysterious, magnetic, gorgeous guardian angel. But despite his role in her life, Patch has been acting anything but angelic. He’s more elusive than ever (if that’s possible) and what’s worse, he seems spending time with Nora’s archenemy, Marcie Millar.
Nora would have hardly noticed Scott Parnell, an old family friend who has moved back to town, if Patch hadn’t been acting so distant. Even with Scott’s totally infuriating attitude, Nora finds herself drawn to him – despite her lingering feelings that he is hiding something.
Arthur Bach is a screw-up. He’s been raised with more money than he can imagine and no one has ever told him no. He does what he wants when he wants and the newspapers and tabloids love to exploit his outrageous behavior.
One particular fun evening while out in the Bat Mobile (yes, the Bat Mobile) he gets into a bit of an accident and gets arrested. Did I mention that he was drunk? That he is always drunk? Yup. he keeps vodka in his water bottle.
Arthur’s mother is a savvy, high corporate business woman who runs the multi-million dollar family business that keeps so much cash in his pocket. It seems that Arthur’s latest stunt has got all the investors in the business worried that the company is doomed because the end of the family line is with Arthur. If Arthur is passed the company then it will fail and millions upon millions will be lost.
Bethany Hamilton was born in idyllic Kauai, Hawaii and was raised with the ocean as her backyard. From a very young age she took to the water and showed a natural talent for surfing. Her mother often joked that she was a mermaid. As a teenager she lead the perfect “surfer girl” life, competing in competitions and having a blast with her best friend, Alana.
But then everything changed.
On Halloween morning.
The day started out as a typical fun in the sun and play in the surf kind of day but then a 14-foot tiger shark came along and turned her typical day into a life altering nightmare.
Priest, loosely based on a Korean graphic novel, is a post-apocalyptic sci-fi with both a dark dystopian and old western feel. Priest (Paul Bettany) is a legendary Warrior from the last Vampire War. He is drawn from the city and breaks his vows to the Church when his niece (Lily Collins) is abducted by a pack of vampires. Her boyfriend (Cam Gigandet), a rather immature, trigger-happy sheriff, joins Priest in his quest to save Lucy before her abductors change her into a one of them. These aren’t your emotionally torn, sparkly vampires; think more along the lines of Alien with nasty fangs and blinding speed! They live in hives and serve one nasty queen—a queen who was smart enough to learn how to create a stronger, hybrid creature. Priest must learn where his faith truly belongs before it is too late for Lucy and the rest of the world.
What woman doesn’t want to be known for just her mind? Most women would bend over backwards to find a man who could appreciate what she was thinking, not what she was wearing or how full her bra was. Being waited on hand and foot doesn’t seem like such a bad idea either does it? People to feed you when you are hungry, bathe you and adjust your bed when the pillows need fluffing? Sounds like the life, doesn’t it? You can have all of this and more.
What kind of guy doesn’t want a hall pass? A week off from marriage, no strings attached. Does it get any better than that? Well not for Owen Wilson. He pushes his wife to the breaking point and she finally suggests he go off and do whatever he needs to do for a week, and then come home. Kind of like that old saying of set the bird free and if it comes back it was yours to begin with. If it doesn’t then he better pray to God he was shot by some Midwestern duck hunter.
It is every person’s worst nightmare—nuclear war—and it’s happened. Whole cities have been completely wiped off the map. Those that are left standing are quickly becoming graveyards. What’s left of the government has instituted Martial Law. Corpse wagons make regular pick-ups of the dead. Radiation sickness and diseases like cholera and typhus are running rampant through what’s left of the population. Rick Nash’s wife Shelly has just died of cholera. He wants to bury her properly but that’s illegal. After weeks of eeking out some semblance of survival Nash has reached the depths of his despair and decides to commit suicide. He is stopped by a presence that he refers to as The Shape that he feels needs him in some way.
I do love a good horror story, and Asylum Lake fits the bill. It reels you in while developing the storyline and main character and then slams it home with one of the more horrific murder scenes I have read in a long time. Hello, has anyone seen the twin’s hands and feet lately. Try looking in the kitchen sink if you have the stomach for it.
Ripper’s Row is the collaborative effort of D0nnie Light and Shawn Weaver. The two authors take the infamous Jack the Ripper and of all things, turn him into a hero. The public at large might know Jack as a horribly brutal serial killer, but in reality he is a tortured soul who hunts down vampires and their entourage. You see, all of Jack’s victims are blood sucking demons and Jack’s mission is to purge the earth of these vile creatures who have robbed him of his one true love.
Draculas is the much hyped novel by Blake Crouch, Jack Kilborn, Jeff Strand and F. Paul Wilson. The four of them collaborated on the novel and incorporated all of their input so it truly does flow fluidly. It actually flows about as smoothly as a nice stream of blood from a cut artery, which there is ample amount of. Blood that is, as well as severed arteries I guess. There is more blood flowing in this novel than all of the Quentin Tarantino movies combined. I think more people might have died in this book than all the other books I have ever read combined.
Wow, I wrote that title and after reading it again I am wondering how many things you could infer with that statement. Oh come on, are you really slow or am I just not putting enough effort into it. I tried like heck…… Look at that, we really are PG13, I don’t care what all the head honchos in the women’s club say. National really should put more effort into promoting reading instead of letting their jealousy get the better of them. Damn, now what was I talking about. Oh Yah…..
The Passage, by Justin Cronin, was recommended to me by my favorite book store on Burlingame Ave. They know I have a dark side and suggested this book as being right up my line. Overall I enjoyed the book, but I was surprised by the editing issues, missing words and mixed up sentences. Mostly in the beginning, but I would have thought a book as promoted as this one would have been more polished. OK, everyone can stop laughing now. I realize this might be funny coming from me, but it was a little annoying.
Isn’t it great how spicy life can be from time to time. The excitement of being unemployed, (personal experience there), the joy of losing your retirement in the stock market, the thrill of seeing your ex-wife take all your money, and then telling everyone how you stole from her. It just doesn’t get much better than that. Thank God for Farren LeNae this morning. I am not sure I would have had the strength to get out of bed if it weren’t for me running across her. Not literally, and I am just joking honey if you are reading this. I have to say this stuff, people won’t listen to me otherwise.
I feel like I have to walk a fine line in life on most occasions. People chastise me for promoting models on our publishing site and I for one say, well, I like models. I happen to like books as well, but I think there is a place in life for all forms of artistic talent, modeling being one of my favorites. We are a site that embraces all forms of talent and Tiffany Selby has load and loads of it. I woke up this morning wondering what loads and loads meant, and I was rewarded with Tiffany. Not literally of course. All I do is use my laptop for writing about the artistic endeavors of others.
Ryan Leigh is just what I needed on a day that started out poorly and went downhill fast. First, the website was down from overuse. Yes, we had too many people viewing it the last couple of weeks, so our hosting site shut us down. What is the moral of that story? I actually have no idea. I thought the intent behind posting a blog was having people visit the damn thing. What do I know? Then, after the site went down, the dudes running the hosting company took over 5 hours to get back to me. When I tried to contact them via phone, none of the numbers worked. Makes you wonder what kind of a business they are running.
The first thing I might ask is where the spelling comes from for Natalie McGhie. I do well to spell the simple words; don’t get me started with the oddities in life. That is the reason I write blogs posts. Nobody reads the words to begin with; they only look at the pictures. Ahh, now in that realm, Natalie McGhie is doing just fine. She seems to have parlayed her looks into a budding career. Hopefully we will continue to see her in more things to come. Maybe Glee for instance.
As I wake up at 4 AM not able to sleep on yet another Saturday morning I really begin to question my sanity. It is just too early to be up. Isn’t this the day we should all be sleeping in. I then perused through some past posts on JournalStone and realized I have never written anything on Adriana Lima. Now it could be that I am just too tired to actually find it, but if it is true, and I think it is, the travesty shall never be lived down. This is Adriana Lima we are talking about. How could anyone in their right mind write blog posts on models for over a year, and leave her out.
Have you ever had one of those days where there were too many things to talk about. You had to sit back and pick your battles so to speak. When I came across Mindi Smith over on COED Magazine I couldn’t help but wonder if my hands were really that small, or was I just too hung over from the night before. If I am telling the truth I was also wondering if she were at all related to Granny Smith. Isn’t that the lady that makes those green apples? You see, it is hard to keep up with my mind sometimes. Nobody is really sure where I am going with things, including me.