The Most Flamboyant Appeal Against A Penalty Fare You Will Ever See

It's in the style of the 18th century English poet Alexander Pope.

A man travelling on the First Great Western rail service from London to Oxford two weeks ago was fined for not carrying his Young Person's Railcard. He appealed in the form of rhyming iambic pentameter quatrains:

"Dear Sir, or Madam, Let me here proclaim

The purpose of this letter. I receiv'd,

When travelling from London on the train,

A Fare of Penalty. So deeply griev'd

I at receipt of Notice that I ask'd

"Ricardo", that conductor fair, if I

Could mitigate my fine. He duly task'd

Me to appeal to you, and this is why

I have approach'd you. Briefly let me thus

Explain the situation that arose

On 15th March, and put to rest the fuss

My actions then have caus'd. (Here I enclose

A photographic copy of the slip

Whereon my misdemeanour is inscrib'd.)

To summarise the purpose of my trip:

'Twas for a conf'rence, and there I imbib'd

The heady thoughts of Hume, the learned Scot.

Already on the train, I learned the truth—

For shame, and shame! Completely I'd forgot

To pack that signifier of my youth—

Young Person's Railcard—nor my Oyster neither.

Bereft I sat, embedded in my place.

"Ricardo" came in judgment, charged that either

I show my railcard straightaway, or face

The wrath of First Great Western. I made bold

To offer him my student card as sign

Of my sincerity, but no! He told

Me then he'd have to issue me a fine.

I bade him charge the excess on my fare—

But he would not. He took my name, address,

And date of birth, and said that if I'd care

To enter an appeal and claim redress

For this misunderstanding, I should write

To your high-vaunted Service. So, dear Sir,

Dear Madam, here I bid you—heed my plight,

Recall that 'tis but human so to err,

Yet godly to forgive. Please waive my debt!

My ticket had I, railcard had I none—

Yet here it is, my proof of youth, and let

These photocopies show you that I've done

All that's requested. And may 15th March,

'Twixt hours of six and seven, ever be

A mem'ry firm imprinted on the arch

Of my eternal conscience. Now, let me

Remain your servant, humble and contrite,

Never again to stray from path of right."

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The author, who wishes to remain anonymous, posted the letter to Facebook yesterday with the following message:

"Just over two weeks ago, I was given a penalty fare by an extremely smug conductor on an evening First Great Western service from London to Oxford. I'd forgotten my Young Person's Railcard at home, but instead of allowing me to pay the excess (as I've been able to do several times before), he gave me a hefty penalty fare, and told me I could appeal it in writing (by letter, not over the phone or by email), providing documentary evidence.

I decided to appeal instead of paying the fine, and since today is April Fool's Day, I thought it would be fitting if I got a little creative in my letter. I hope the people at the Independent Penalty Fares Appeal Service take it in precisely the spirit it's intended…"