Someone once said that swearing is the sure sign of a limited vocabulary.
That person was a dumb fucking shitpile.
Swearing isn’t just useful, it’s goddamn profound. If profanity isn’t just as rich and varied a form of cultural expression as food or visual art, then surely it is just as clear a window onto the priorities, fears, and tastes of the people who produce and use it. To be sure, it can be offensive, hurtful, even dangerous. But it is also almost always pants-shittingly hysterical.
And you dumb asswipes don’t know enough of it.
So in the interest of acknowledging this boundlessly creative, revealing, and disgusting human gift, I humbly present an abridged guide to the best swears in every language. A few notes before you dive in, although you’ll probably ignore them, you douchebag.
• You won’t find in here any epithets having to do with sexual orientation or ethnicity or misogyny. I intend this as a celebration of the depravity of human language, not its hatefulness.
• Where possible, I have included non-Latin scripts.
• This is obviously far, far, far from comprehensive. Please add your favorite swears below, and if they are in languages we don’t have (or are more compellingly and colorfully depraved than our choices in languages we do have), we’ll add them!
Enough silly bullshit. Enjoy, motherfuckers.
Siug aan my aambeie en wag vir beter dae!: “Suck on my hemorrhoids and wait for better days!”
Silbabot: Literally “You are the fatty layer on my warm milk”, meaning “You are a nuisance.”
طيزك حمراء (Teezak hamra): Literally “Your butt is red!”, meaning “you’re a dumbass.”
মোটা কুকুর (Mota kutta): “Fat dog!”
Кон да ти го натресе (Kon da ti go natrese): - “Get fucked by a horse!”
金魚佬 (Gam yu lou): Literally “Goldfish man,” pervert, an old man who woos children with bags of pet goldfish.
仆街 (Puk gai): “Pave the road with your shit-worthless body!”
Idi u pičku materinu!: “Go back inside your mother’s pussy!”
“Vykuř mi”: “Smoke my cock!”
American - Douchebag!
British - Bell-end!: “Glans!”
خاک تو سرت (Khak too saret): “Dirt on your head!”, in the sense of “May you be buried!”
Fini à la pisse: “Finished with piss”, meaning that a person was conceived by a mix of sperm and urine.
Je te pisse à la raie!: “I piss on your butt crack!”
Du bist ein arschgeficktes suppenhuhn!: “You are a chicken that got fucked in the ass!”
Θα μου κλάσεις τα αρχίδια (Na mou klaseis ta’rxidia): Literally “Fart on my balls!”, meaning, “You’re powerless and ineffective.”
שמתי על זה קצוץ! (Samti `al ze katzutz!): Literally “I put my circumcised one on it!”, meaning “I don’t give a fuck!”
الو کا پٹھا (Uloo Ka Pata): “Son of an owl!” (In the Indian subcontinent, owls are considered lazy and stupid.)
Kutya faszát!: “Dog dick!”
Hoppaðu upp í rassgatið á þér: “Hop up your own ass!”
Go mbeire an diabhal thú: “May the devil choke you!”
Vaffanculo!: Literally “Go do an ass!”, meaning, “Fuck you!”
豆腐の角に頭をぶつけて死ね (Tofu no kado ni atama wo butsukete shine): “Hit your head on a corner of tofu and die!”
씨발놈 개쌔끼 (Shibbal-nom geseki): “Fuck you, you son of a bitch!”
肏你祖宗十八代 (Tsao Ni Zhu Zhong Shi Ba Dai): “Fuck all your family 18 generations past!”
Casa do caralho: “House of the dick!” Used to curse a specific place.
Uscamias chilotii pe crucea matii!: “I would dry my dirty underwear on your mother’s crucifix!”
пошел на хуй (Poshol na khui): “Go ride a dick!”
死老太婆 (Sǐ lǎo tài pó): “Die old lady!”
La concha de la lora!: “The parrot’s pussy!” Used as “fuck off”.
Me cago en la leche!: “I shit in the milk!”
Skitstövel!: “Shit-boot!”, basically, “asshole!”
Spierdalaj!: “Get the fuck away!”
Mukha Kang Tae: “You look like a shit!”
Ağzına sıçarım: “I’ll shit in your mouth!”
Gay kocken offen yom!: “Go shit in the ocean!”