A Day In The Life As Told Through Blanche Devereaux From The Golden Girls

Blanche says it best. From vanity to harlotry, she pretty much nailed life. I mean which other Golden Girl got laid regularly, could speak freely, and generally had no consequences. With no further ado… A day in the life…

1. To Wake or To Snooze? That is the question

If I were to snooze, how greasy would my hair be? Would it be socially acceptable to re-deoderize and leave? Can I snooze one more time and make it to work on time?

2. The Shower Opera

So you made it into the shower….

Pruning aside, you are a STAR! Spend 45 min (or until water gets cold) contemplating what shirt you should wear to your American Idol audition… this is your year.

3. Mirror, Mirror on the Wall… I’m Awesome.

That moment when you look in the mirror after getting ready and realize that you, YOU, are prime real estate. Note: this will happen at any mirror throughout the day. You can’t help yourself…

4. Cliques… The Perfect Stare Down… Perfected

Everyone is part of one… It’s evolutionarily adaptive…. isn’t it? Well anyway, you know you think this every time you look at the goodie two shoes two cubicles down or the ass kisser with the corner office that you deserved (even though you’re late daily and don’t meet any of the quotas).

5. 3pm Self Esteem Crisis

The day is idling by… You’ve hit the wall. You’re sensitive and feel like all the hard work you put in isn’t being recognized. You fantasize resigning in front of all your coworkers… You need coffee. You may laugh at a joke and find yourself crying… It’s 3 pm… It happens to everyone.

6. 4:42pm

I think the picture says it all. You’ve accomplished nothing. You’ve perused buzzfeed so hard there is nothing you haven’t read, yet you still have 18 minutes before you can meet up with the crew at some chain bar and drink your work sorrows away. Will you make it?

7. Car Visor Mirror Outside of the Bar

See I told you, the mirror is your vain friend…

8. Inappropriate Coworker Conversations for 300 Alex

Yeah, you said that. You didn’t mean it… What you meant is that if she/he doesn’t you will…

9. Inappropriate Coworker Conversations for 600 Alex

You’ve had to many drinks. You have word vomit again. But it’s okay, your coworkers will only talk about this behind your bad and secretly, you think, they are jealous of your freedom. You modern woman you.

10. The Dare to Pick Up “That Guy”

You went with that? Well no loss, being extremely forward has now earned you kudos with the crew and a date saturday with…. what’s his name?

11. 11:30pm (11 Watered Down Cranberry and Vodkas Later)

You somehow find yourself back here….

12. Followed by the Aggressive Drunk Dial

You’ve been wanting to tell your ex he/she will never amount to anything…. Now’s as good a time as any….

13. Late Night Binging

So you made a mistake, you called your ex… this calls for greasy food, sweet things, cakes, candies, ice cream. This will make it all go away. You eat making sure that your roommates consume as much or more than you do so that you don’t feel guilty or self conscious…

14. And then you sleep…


So you can do it all over again.

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