The Republican Candidates... And Their Muppet Alter Egos

It's true: each of this year's crop of GOP presidential hopefuls has a surprising Muppet doppelganger.

I first noticed it when Jeb Bush called Donald Trump a "Chaos Candidate."

"Hey," I thought. "That's like Muppet Theory. Which states there are Order Muppets and Chaos Muppets. Guess there are Order GOP Candidates and Chaos GOP Candidates."

But it goes even deeper. Each Republican Presidential candidate has a direct Muppet parallel. Physically, personally, strategically, mentally: the similarities are uncanny. Keep reading to see what I mean!

Donald Trump = Animal

Animal copyright The Walt Disney Company; Trump image: Gage Skidmore / Via muppet.wikia.com and flickr

Yes, the ultimate Chaos Candidate is a perfect parallel to the ultimate Chaos Muppet. Not only do they have similar hair and skin tone, but both are forces of nature. They say and do whatever they want, when they want, with no inhibitions. Whether it's chasing women, beating drums, or building walls between the U.S. and Mexico, there's no stopping them. They also both yell. A lot.

The one difference? Animal's chains keep him from attacking guest stars and those around him. Nobody has managed to get close enough to put a chain on Trump.

Ted Cruz = Crazy Harry

Crazy Harry copyright The Walt Disney Company; Ted Cruz image: Ted Cruz for President / Via muppet.wikia.com and tedcruz.org

And not just because both of them are crazy!

For those of you less familiar with the Muppet universe, you may not remember Crazy Harry, the resident pyrotechnician of the Muppet Theater. Basically, Crazy Harry blew things (and people) up. And sniggered about it in his high-pitched grating voice.

Ted Cruz also wants to blow things up. He wants to "carpet bomb" various Middle Eastern locations. And he will probably snigger about it later. In his similarly high-pitched, grating voice.

Marco Rubio = Kermit the Frog

Kermit the Frog copyright The Walt Disney Company; Marco Rubio image: Marco Rubio for President / Via muppet.wikia.com and marcorubio.com

Not just because there's a bit of a physical resemblance. Rubio and Kermit also have similar backgrounds, growing up in Gulf states. Also, as a first-term U.S. Senator, Rubio is green. And as he found out during his water break during his State of the Union response and the New Hampshire GOP debate, it's not easy being green.

Not to mention, both are cold-blooded: Kermit (as an amphibian) literally and Rubio...let's just say the dude wants to remove discrimination protections for LGBT individuals and opposes a prohibition on torture. Now THAT'S cold!

Jeb Bush = Sam the Eagle

Sam the Eagle copyright The Walt Disney Company; Jeb Bush image credit: Jeb Bush for President / Via muppet.wikia.com and jeb2016.com

"I am surrounded by...weirdos!"

(I'm gonna leave it there, except to add that I did not photoshop any of these pictures)

Chris Christie = Miss Piggy

Miss Piggy copyright The Walt Disney Company; Chris Christie image: Chris Christie for President / Via muppet.wikia.com and chrischristie.com

No, it is NOT a commentary on weight (his or hers)!

The reason Christie is Miss Piggy is because both of them seem at first glance to be reasonable people of normal temperament. There's Miss Piggy, blowing kisses to Kermit the Frog...there's Christie throwing his arm around Obama and working with a Democratic state legislature... .

But if you piss off Miss Piggy, all hell will break loose: she will unleash a "Hie-YAH!" ninja kick to your jugular and knock you off a balcony. The same goes with Christie: you will wake up to find the entire traffic pattern of the George Washington Bridge has been reconfigured to bypass your exit. Do. Not. Cross. Them.

Dr. Ben Carson = Dr. Bunsen Honeydew

Bunsen Honeydew copyright The Walt Disney Company; Ben Carson image: Ben Carson for President 2016 / Via muppet.wikia.com and bencarson.com

Where to begin? The round head, the glasses, the seemingly-perpetually-shut eyes...? Or how about that both of these doctors seem at first blush to be serious men of scientific caliber, until you see them in action? And then one's saying he doesn't believe in science, and the other one is setting his assistant on fire. I'll let you figure out which is which.

Carly Fiorina = The Great Gonzo

Gonzo copyright The Walt Disney Company; Fiorina image: Carly Fiorina for President 2016 / Via muppet.wikia.com and carlyforpresident.com

Yes, you'll notice a bit of a physical resemblance, perhaps...but the main reason is form. Gonzo was the Muppet Show's performance artist, who would perform insane stunts (like eating a tire to the tune of "Flight of the Bumblebee"), get booed off the stage, and complain that the audience was a bunch of philistines who just didn't get it.

Fiorina is much in the same mold. As CEO of Hewlett-Packard, she was a disaster, laying off 30,000 employees and tanking the stock before getting canned by her own board. Now she says that she was actually a fantastic CEO, and the ignorant media just doesn't understand her. Still doesn't seem to be stopping her from getting yanked off the stage...the debate stage, that is.

Rand Paul = Fozzie Bear

Fozzie Bear copyright The Walt Disney Company; Rand Paul image: Gage Skidmore / Via muppet.wikia.com and flickr

Yes, I know he's suspended his campaign, but the similarity is just too good to pass over.

Fozzie is a comedian who's never going to be funny. Rand Paul was a candidate who was never going to be president. But - Wocka-Wocka! - both of them just kept smiling and going for it, bless their hearts. Paul was also full of quips on Twitter during Democratic presidential debates. No word on whether he ever slipped a whoopie cushion onto a fellow Senator's chair.

Jim Gilmore = Beaker

Beaker copyright The Walt Disney Company; Jim Gilmore image: Jim Gilmore for America / Via muppet.wikia.com and gilmoreforamerica.com

Poor Beaker. He just can't seem to catch a break. No matter what he tries, he gets fried, crushed, shrunk, flattened, or otherwise mangled. But the beauty of Beaker is that he just keeps showing up, day in and day out, knowing that it's going to be another disaster but hoping it won't be.

And that's Jim Gilmore in a nutshell. After he got just 12 votes (no, that's not a typo) in the Iowa Caucuses, he could have followed Huckabee, Santorum, and Paul out of the national spotlight. But did he? No. Because Jim Gilmore has a mission, and by golly, Jim Gilmore shows up!

John Kasich = Scooter

Scooter copyright The Walt Disney Company; Kasich image: John Kasich for America / Via muppet.wikia.com and johnkasich.com

Everybody forgets about ol' Scooter. But that's as it should be: he's the efficient Muppet gofer, always around, but mostly invisible to the audience. Except when he decides to take a star turn and hit the stage.

Everyone seems to forget about Kasich, too, as they discuss "front-and-center" candidates like Marco Rubio or Donald Trump. In fact, at the New Hampshire debate, the moderators didn't even realize they hadn't introduced him until they saw his empty podium. (Heck, I very nearly forgot to include him in this post!)

But every so often, he pops up, talking about creating a government agency to promote "Judeo-Christian values" or being touted as a possible third-place finisher in New Hampshire. Hey, everybody needs their fifteen minutes.

Bonus: The Koch Brothers = Statler and Waldorf

Statler and Waldorf copyright The Walt Disney Company; Charles Koch and David Koch image credit: Koch Industries / Via muppet.wikia.com and kochind.com

Well, this one's a no-brainer.

As the only occupants of box seats at the Muppet Theater, Statler and Waldorf are clearly the Muppets' biggest financial supporters (although they profess not to know why). And we all know about the Kochs' bankrolling of GOP candidates and conservative causes. Also, David Koch 's eyes could've been the models for Waldorf's.

"Hey, Charles, the primary season's off to a fast start." "Good: maybe it'll end quicker!" "Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!"

Like what you just read? See how the GOP candidates from the original primetime debate would have answered the classic "Why did the chicken cross the road?" question on YouTube!

This is a satirical work. All Muppet, candidate, and billionaire images appear solely for the purposes of physical reference and comparison in this satirical work. The Walt Disney Company is the copyright holder for all Muppet characters and images. The images and text in this work do not express or imply support for any candidate, issue, or political party by The Walt Disney Company, Koch Industries, or any individual (human or Muppet). I highly recommend visiting the Muppets' official site at muppets.disney.com.