Promoted
Style

Definitive Proof That Beauty Product Names Make Zero Sense

Was anyone hurt in the lash blast?

1. LashBlast Fusion

BuzzFeed

Fortunately, no one was injured in the lash blast. And the cool thing about this mascara is that the fusion gives you longer lashes via thermonuclear reaction.

2. Million Lashes - “Millionize Your Lashes”

BuzzFeed

First of all, a million lashes is A LOT. I know we all want long, baby deer eyelashes, but, in theory, you still want to be able to see. Also, what happens exactly when you “millionize” your lashes? I’m starting to suspect that’s not a word.

3. Baby Skin

BuzzFeed

Oh, I ran out of Baby Skin. Gotta pick up some more Baby Skin from the drug store. BABY SKIN. I’m not convinced I want to look like a baby?

4. Chubby Stick Baby Tint

BuzzFeed

I’m just gonna come right out and say that “chubby stick” is not an OK name for any product of any kind. But then WHAT is a baby tint? What could that possibly mean? Do you use it to tint a baby? Do you tint yourself the color of a baby? What color is a baby?

5. Doll Lashes

BuzzFeed

Doll lashes? Isn’t that kind of creepy?

Because these are doll lashes…

Thinkstock

6. Liquid Halo

BuzzFeed

How many angels were melted to create this product?

7. Tone Rehab

BuzzFeed

This is an intervention. Your tone needs to go to rehab.

8. Magic Nude

BuzzFeed

I know what magic is. I know what nude is. But seriously, what’s a magic nude? It sounds like the title of a self healing book you could get at that store in the mall that sells incense and power crystals.

9. Volum’Express Mega Plush

BuzzFeed

Chugga-chugga chugga-chugga choo choo! ALL ABOARD the Volum’Express! No local stops on the journey to mega volume!

It seems like the term “mega plush” could only be used to describe those giant stuffed animals you win at a carnival.

10. Lash Power

BuzzFeed

The future of decreasing carbon emissions is a car that runs on lash power.

11. Infallible Never Fail Eyeliner

BuzzFeed

This is the eyeliner you want with you when you jump out of a plane.

12. Voluminous Butterfly????

BuzzFeed

NIGHTMARES

13. Air Whipped Cloud Texture

BuzzFeed

This is gibberish.

14. Hyperlash

BuzzFeed

This sounds like a bad thing. I went to the hospital with an acute case of hyperlash.

15. Outrageous Volume - Dramatic Volume

BuzzFeed

This mascara claims to have both outrageous AND dramatic volume. Honestly, these sound like some lashes that would be starting shit all the time, causing problems in both your personal and professional life. Soon enough, no one wants to talk to you because your lashes are just too outrageous and no one can handle it. Nobody likes drama.

16. Baby Doll Attitude - “Eyes Wide Open Look”

BuzzFeed

So, just to recap, this mascara will give you not only a “baby doll attitude” but an “eyes wide open look”? I’m on board with looking like my eyes are open, but…

Lest we forget, this is what having a baby doll attitude looks like:

Thinkstock

Check out more articles on BuzzFeed.com!

 
 
          
    Now Buzzing