15 Totally Legit Gripes You Have With Your Local Coffee House

It really shouldn’t be this hard.

1. It’s frequently overrun with competitive weirdos trying to out-weird you.

2. The simple syrup is pretty much simple water.

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3. Twelve ounces is considered a “large.”

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This ain’t Europe.

4. You’re sensing a little attitude when you ask for the wifi password.

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I know my rights.

5. The barista is too hot to deal with sans the coffee you are seeking.

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Can we do this transaction thing in reverse order?

6. Always too crowded to sit anywhere and relax, think and reflect — the very essence of what coffee houses are all about.

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Home and Folgers would have been better.

7. Or if it isn’t, you’ll probably be forced to “connect” with a rando.

8. Don’t ask me whether I want milk. GIVE me the milk.

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Why yes, I take milk. I take it in my own hands and pour an amount suitable to my tastes, because my mouth is more than a mere receptacle for caffeine. (Most days.)

9. Big groups feel at home to scoot tables together and reminisce for hours.

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And your emotionally distant barista feels you on this point.

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10. There’s not an outlet to be found.

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11. “Sorry, we just have 2%…”

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12. You can feel people start to get a little judgy if you go twice in a day.

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13. The baristas are very friendly but you can’t afford to tip them every day.

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14. The standard lattes are just a shade away from pure white.

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15. The clientele in general is WAY too hung up on pour-over coffees.

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But there are those few regulars who catch your eye…

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And y’know? This place just got kind of cute.

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