15 Totally Legit Gripes You Have With Your Local Coffee House

It really shouldn’t be this hard.

1. It’s frequently overrun with competitive weirdos trying to out-weird you.

2. The simple syrup is pretty much simple water.

3. Twelve ounces is considered a “large.”

This ain’t Europe.

4. You’re sensing a little attitude when you ask for the wifi password.

I know my rights.

5. The barista is too hot to deal with sans the coffee you are seeking.

Can we do this transaction thing in reverse order?

6. Always too crowded to sit anywhere and relax, think and reflect — the very essence of what coffee houses are all about.


Home and Folgers would have been better.

7. Or if it isn’t, you’ll probably be forced to “connect” with a rando.

8. Don’t ask me whether I want milk. GIVE me the milk.

Why yes, I take milk. I take it in my own hands and pour an amount suitable to my tastes, because my mouth is more than a mere receptacle for caffeine. (Most days.)

9. Big groups feel at home to scoot tables together and reminisce for hours.

And your emotionally distant barista feels you on this point.

10. There’s not an outlet to be found.

11. “Sorry, we just have 2%…”

12. You can feel people start to get a little judgy if you go twice in a day.

13. The baristas are very friendly but you can’t afford to tip them every day.

14. The standard lattes are just a shade away from pure white.

15. The clientele in general is WAY too hung up on pour-over coffees.

But there are those few regulars who catch your eye…

And y’know? This place just got kind of cute.

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