1. “Going to the airport”
Used to mean: You stuff your suitcase into a friend’s trunk and they nicely drive you to the terminal.
Now it means: Choose between mind-blowingly expensive cab ride or two-hour-long A train or bus ride spent spooning your suitcase! Or LOL, figuring how the hell to get to Newark.
Used to mean: A remote hike in the faraway woods.
Now it means: Central Park.
Used to mean: Sitting down to meat and potatoes around 6:30 p.m.
Now it means: Wolfing whatever’s in your fridge/at the bodega when you get home around 10.
4. “Apartment hunting”
Used to mean: Scoping out a cool new apartment complex and signing a lease for a place three months from now.
Now it means: A frantic two-week hellscape in which you must sell your soul to Craigslist, see apartments with only 30 seconds’ notice, coordinate movers at the last minute and strip-mine your entire savings account.
Used to mean: Amtrak or Thomas the Tank Engine.
Now it means: The subway.
Used to mean: A frozen Lender’s.
Now it means: THE MOST SACRED AND INFALLIBLE OF BREAKFAST OBJECTS.
Used to mean: A reasonable amount of money you pay each month.
Now it means: Bye-bye, one entire paycheck!
8. “Drinks after work”
Used to mean: One drink.
Now it means: Four to five drinks.
Used to mean: Someone who makes a living by writing things professionally.
Now it means: A recent college grad who’s living off their trust fund.
Used to mean: Getting in your nice heated car and driving to work.
Now it means: Covering every square inch of exposed skin so you can walk in a 10-degree wind tunnel to get to your office.
Used to mean: Central-air-conditioned comfort.
Now it means: Hope you like showing up to work with back sweat!
Used to mean: Kinda cute birds you see every now and then.
Now it means: OMG I THINK I CAN FEEL ONE ON ME. IS IT ON ME???
14. “Times Square”
Used to mean: The bright and exciting “crossroads of the world” that made you feel awestruck each and every time.
Now it means: That place you desperately avoid at all costs.
15. “Long-distance relationship”
Used to mean: Dating someone an hour or two hours away.
Now it means: The same thing, but that means dating someone who lives in Yorkville when you live in Kensington.
Used to mean: A sandwich, apple, and cookies brought from home.
Now it means: A sad $12 salad eaten at your desk.
Used to mean: Just your typical deli.
Now it means: The mecca of all that is holy and good where you shop 12 times a week.
Used to mean: A gross but tiny household pest.
Now it means: A TERRIFYING SIX-INCH-LONG MONSTER.
Used to mean: Pulling your car into the closest space in the lot you can find.
Now it means: PREPARE FOR BATTLE.
Used to mean: The industrial hub of a city.
Now it means: A cardinal direction.
21. “Friend with a car”
Used to mean: Like, most of your friends.
Now it means: OMG, you’re my favorite friend in the whole world and so attractive and cool and can we go to Fairway this weekend?