1. “Going to the airport”
Used to mean: You stuff your suitcase into a friend’s trunk and they nicely drive you to the terminal.
Now it means: Choose between mind-blowingly expensive cab ride or two-hour-long A train or bus ride spent spooning your suitcase! Or LOL, figuring how the hell to get to Newark.
Used to mean: A remote hike in the faraway woods.
Now it means: Central Park.
Used to mean: Sitting down to meat and potatoes around 6:30 p.m.
Now it means: Wolfing whatever’s in your fridge/at the bodega when you get home around 10.
4. “Apartment hunting”
Used to mean: Scoping out a cool new apartment complex and signing a lease for a place three months from now.
Now it means: A frantic two-week hellscape in which you must sell your soul to Craigslist, see apartments with only 30 seconds’ notice, coordinate movers at the last minute and strip-mine your entire savings account.
Used to mean: Amtrak or Thomas the Tank Engine.
Now it means: The subway.
Used to mean: A frozen Lender’s.
Now it means: THE MOST SACRED AND INFALLIBLE OF BREAKFAST OBJECTS.
Used to mean: A reasonable amount of money you pay each month.
Now it means: Bye-bye, one entire paycheck!
8. “Drinks after work”
Used to mean: One drink.
Now it means: Four to five drinks.
Used to mean: Someone who makes a living by writing things professionally.
Now it means: A recent college grad who’s living off their trust fund.
Used to mean: Getting in your nice heated car and driving to work.
Now it means: Covering every square inch of exposed skin so you can walk in a 10-degree wind tunnel to get to your office.
Used to mean: Central-air-conditioned comfort.
Now it means: Hope you like showing up to work with back sweat!
Used to mean: Kinda cute birds you see every now and then.
Now it means: OMG I THINK I CAN FEEL ONE ON ME. IS IT ON ME???
14. “Times Square”
Used to mean: The bright and exciting “crossroads of the world” that made you feel awestruck each and every time.
Now it means: That place you desperately avoid at all costs.
15. “Long-distance relationship”
Used to mean: Dating someone an hour or two hours away.
Now it means: The same thing, but that means dating someone who lives in Yorkville when you live in Kensington.
Used to mean: A sandwich, apple, and cookies brought from home.
Now it means: A sad $12 salad eaten at your desk.
Used to mean: Just your typical deli.
Now it means: The mecca of all that is holy and good where you shop 12 times a week.
Used to mean: A gross but tiny household pest.
Now it means: A TERRIFYING SIX-INCH-LONG MONSTER.
Used to mean: Pulling your car into the closest space in the lot you can find.
Now it means: PREPARE FOR BATTLE.
Used to mean: The industrial hub of a city.
Now it means: A cardinal direction.
21. “Friend with a car”
Used to mean: Like, most of your friends.
Now it means: OMG, you’re my favorite friend in the whole world and so attractive and cool and can we go to Fairway this weekend?
- Airplane debris discovered Wednesday on the coast of the French island of Réunion "very likely" belongs to the same type of aircraft as missing Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, Malaysian Prime Minister Najib Razak said.
- A University of Cincinnati officer has been charged with murder for shooting Samuel Dubose, an unarmed black man.
- Uber drivers waiting for ride requests near the International Airport of Mexico City were pelted with rocks, sticks, eggs, and flour on Wednesday. Local authorities are investigating the incident.