31 Awesome Perks Of Being An English Major

As if being a bookworm is a bad thing?

1. You would never even DREAM of mixing these up.

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2. You’ve already read the book that will launch every mediocre Leonardo DiCaprio movie.

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3. Statistically, as a fiction reader, you’ll demonstrate more empathy and social skills.

It’s a fact.

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4. You knew the plot to this didn’t just materialize out of thin air.

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5. You get understandably mad when people say James Joyce was just doing this.

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6. You can actually put together an email, unlike several people at your company.

7. Most people grimace when someone brings up “Infinite Jest,” and you’re just like:

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8. And you believe that Kafka was actually, in fact, very funny.

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9. Moving your library from apartment to apartment is a pain, but totally worth it.

10. You’ve developed an elaborate system of excuses for why you can’t proofread your friend’s paper.

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11. You can rattle off the phallic symbols in Shakespeare as a cool party trick.

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12. Meeting attractive people in bookstores is a whole other level of awesomeness.

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13. You have/had a built-in alibi when your friends tried to drag you out partying.

14. You realize how awesome it is that the OED has an app.

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15. You only have one reaction when your friend insists “Fifty Shades of Grey” is a good book:

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16. Don’t even get you started on postmodernism.

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17. You don’t start out making THAT much less than engineering and business majors.

…No, seriously.

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18. You know the scariest thing in the world is having to limit a paper to 8-10 pages.

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19. You consider authors sex symbols.

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20. You have feverish opinions about which TV/film adaptation of “Pride & Prejudice” is best.

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21. You know that majoring in English doesn’t necessarily mean you have no idea what you want to do with your life.

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22. Middle English and Ionic Greek? You know they’re SO not useless.

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23. You understand jokes about Foucault.

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24. You have so many opinions about how amazing George Saunders is.

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25. Guess who else majored in English? Several CEOs of Fortune 500 companies.

For real. (Some celebrities, too.)

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26. You can appreciate a wide variety of religious texts without necessarily believing in any of them.

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27. Sometimes you just want to give Thoreau a hug.

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28. You know it’s really not that hard. It’s just not.

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29. You’re getting (or got!) excellent training for pretty much any kind of graduate school.

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30. You can screen OK Cupid by who uses correct grammar in his or her profile.

31. In an increasingly digital world, you still appreciate the value of good old-fashioned paper.

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