27 Ways You Are Not Carrie Bradshaw

Are you a “Carrie”? No, you are not.

1. You would never wear this IRL.

ID: 1125031

2. You are not able to afford your own Upper East Side apartment with the income from one newspaper column.

ID: 1125054

3. You would have just gone to the damn country house and not made such a BFD about it.

ID: 1125129

4. If you got mugged, you wouldn’t be most concerned about your sandals, because omg.

ID: 1125189

5. Nope, how about IN YOUR SAVINGS ACCOUNT or IN A F*CKING 401(k).

ID: 1125526

6. You know how a computer works because this isn’t 1956.

ID: 1125553

7. You are aware of what’s better than a magazine: ACTUAL EFFING FOOD.

ID: 1127258

8. You’re not this annoying, ugggggh.

ID: 1125078

9. You have never said this, because gross.

ID: 1125084

10. Or this.

ID: 1127111

11. Or THIS.

ID: 1127154

12. You are not the most DRAMATIC PERSON IN THE WORLD.

ID: 1125468

13. You would never bring your friend to stalk a guy who’s going to church with HIS MOM.

ID: 1125176

14. You wouldn’t spend $40,000 on shoes because you have basic common sense.

ID: 1125214

15. You would never type the WORLD’S MOST ANNOYING SENTENCES.

ID: 1125156

16. YOU would be totally squeeing if you got to hang out with this dog.

ID: 1125255

17. You wouldn’t have to have your friends vote before you just took some stuff to Goodwill, OH MY GOD.

ID: 1125226

18. You know this isn’t true because wtf, that doesn’t even make sense.

ID: 1125279

19. You have not worn a dress made of a whole octopus family just to go to dinner.

ID: 1125484

20. You would not say this because you are not a 12-year-old girl on Tumblr.

ID: 1125401

21. You wouldn’t throw McDonald’s at a wall because your boyfriend was concerned about you giving up your life just to move to Paris with him.

ID: 1127097

22. You wouldn’t stalk your ex-boyfriend’s ex-wife, because you are a normal person.

ID: 1127010

23. You wouldn’t threaten to leave someone because they wouldn’t tell you you were “the one” on the sidewalk when you demanded it.

ID: 1127082

24. YOU wouldn’t cheat on this gorgeous specimen of manhood.

ID: 1127242

25. You don’t joke around at the drive-thru, because food is SERIOUS BUSINESS.

ID: 1127271

26. You’re like, “Yeah…so?”

ID: 1127259

27. You’re like, “No, wtf, what does this mean, seriously.”

ID: 1127284

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