1. “Beer Schlong”
The “schlong” unscrews to hold two beer cans, which I guess is convenient.
3. “Down for the Count” costume with inflatable girl
This costume SUCKS.
4. “Party In My Pants”
“Hey ladies, there’s a pants in my invited and you’re party.”
5. “Long Schlong”
Because there’s nothing women love more than a 2.5-foot sequined one. (Ladies, you shouldn’t wear that bikini top, either. STAY STRONG.)
6. Lumberjack Woodpecker
Paul Bunyan didn’t die for our sins for THIS.
7. Major Hardon
Maybe if you put a shirt on you’d get promoted to colonel, sir.
11. “Rock Out with your Cock Out”
That chicken looks so perturbed.
12. Guilty Pleasure Singlet
I don’t believe this is prison issue, sir. Sir?
14. “Hung Like a Horse”
Hung like a horse’s decapitated polyester likeness.
16. “Heavy Hose” Firefighter
I don’t believe this would be useful in preventing any sort of actual fire emergency.
20. “Strapping Santa”
This is only acceptable if Santa is wearing it because then it’s like one of those endless GIF loops.
21. “Lucky Green Bun Hugger”
“He was so sexy. He had the fake beard of a Duck Dynasty uncle and the underwear game of an Irish Chippendales’s dancer.”
22. Sexy Ring Toss
I want all my outfits to come with a painfully literal top hat explaining its theme.
23. Banana Flasher
I’m more haunted by everything north of the equator tbh.
24. Breathalyzer Costume
Alternate Breathalyzer test: If you’re drunk enough to think blowing into that is a good idea, it’s time to go home.