2. He’s amazing with the ladies. Are you this smooth with YOUR crush?
3. You have never led a choreographed parade down Fifth Avenue:
4. You have never strutted across the street in “deal with it” shades and a cool sausage necklace.
5. Ugh, you WISH you could do this to escape awkward situations:
6. You would be super dead if you did this:
7. You don’t possibly walk with this much swag:
8. Is this what you look like checking out a hottie from the roof of a taxi? Didn’t think so.
9. You can’t even roll out of bed the right way:
10. You can’t even play chopsticks, and this dog is swinging above Manhattan playing a piano with his GODDAMN TAIL:
11. You use a blow dryer, and Dodger uses NEW YORK CITY:
12. Nope, this is you.
14. This is not you.
15. You are definitely not this.
16. Nope, this isn’t you either.
17. BRB, giving up.
18. Full proof:
In The News Today