1. Pizza has stuck with you since the beginning, even when you thought lunchables were the shit.
2. It’s hot deliciousness was one of your all time favorite elementary school memories.
4. Pizza always had your back through puberty. Never once did it flake out on you.
5. Pizza’s solidness provided a backbone for everything you and your friends did.
7. With amounts of deliciously hot cheese that just defies explanation…
8. And if meat is something you crave, just throw it on. Pizza can take it for you.
9. Because pizza loves you, and will do anything to make you happy.
11. Pizza will even slather itself in chocolate and change itself into a dessert for you. It just loves you that strongly.
12. That’s why in college, pizza would never abandon you, no matter how drunk you were…
14. And fuck, pizza had no problems being sold cheap so you could afford it, and it was still delicious!
15. And if for some reason you couldn’t make it out the door, pizza would always come to you.
16. Pizza knew how to dress itself up for you, when you were feeling high class.
In The News Today
- California Republican Kevin McCarthy has dropped out of the race to be the next speaker of the U.S. House. ›
- FIFA has suspended its president Sepp Blatter, secretary general Jerome Valcke, and vice-president Michel Platini for 90 days. ›
- Congressional Democrats are urging the TSA to change its screening procedures for transgender passengers. ›