6. Look at this. Nothing special.
Just a bunch of greasy cheese and messy tomato sauce.
7. Plus, it’s pretty unhealthy and will probably clog your arteries and kill you.
8. “So just get vegetable pizza, then!” Yeah… The broccoli is literally weighing this pizza down so it is sagging and falling apart and just bleh.
9. Great, glad all my toppings are now at the bottom of the box instead of actually on my slice of pizza.
11. LOOK AT THIS. IT IS A LITERAL PUDDLE OF GREASE. YOU COULD GO SWIMMING IN IT, THAT’S HOW MUCH GREASE THERE IS.
13. You just KNOW that when that cheese breaks apart the leftovers will get stuck on his chin or something.
14. When people try to spice up a pizza by adding some new toppings, it ends up as a nasty mound of unrelated foods that should only be eaten together in case of emergency.
15. Is there a reason pizza needs to experiment with conical forms?
Probably because there’s no other way to make it interesting at this point.
16. So many things can go wrong. Maybe there’s not enough cheese, so you’re basically eating tomatoes on bread.
Tomatoes on bread is bruschetta. SO JUST EAT BRUSCHETTA.
17. Or there’s just too much dough.
If I wanted this much dough, I would have bought a loaf of bread.
21. I don’t even know why anyone would want to eat this pizza. IT DOESN’T LOOK TASTY.
22. And don’t even try to defend the pizza they served back in high school.
23. Plus, even if pizza were the absolute most amazing food in the world and could do no wrong, it’s waaaaayy overdone.
25. “Oh…pizza again.” — You at basically every social function ever.
27. This is a pizza on a bike. There should not be pizza on a bike.
29. In sum, even if pizza is good, it’s just so ubiquitous that it’s become the most boring food in the world.
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