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When Not To Use Social Media

A guide to the times you should probably just leave your phone in your pocket.

1. 1. In The Bathroom

It’s gross. You really shouldn’t need much more explanation than that, but in case you do, I’ll elaborate. Don’t write status updates about pooping and don’t take pictures of yourself in the bathroom. The only exception to this rule is if you have become trapped in a bathroom and a Facebook status is somehow your only hope for escape.

Jessica Simpson tweeted this photo from a public bathroom. Which, first, ew. But also, where are your shoes, woman?!

Along the same lines, people please stop talking about what your kids do in the bathroom. It is truly horrific.

Don’t want to see your toilet, even as a joke.

5. 2. While Committing A Crime

Oh how I wish this wasn’t an issue. And yet, people are so dumb.

This fine young man updated his status during a stand off with police. This particular status was to assure his Facebook friends that his hostage was in good spirits.

While the jury was out on this gentleman’s trial, a friend asked him on Facebook how he thought things were going. He replied, “Yeah I think I get away with it tbh.” Unfortunately that counted as new evidence, and the MENSA member was forced to change his plea to guilty.

The awesome guy on the right is Isaiah Cutler. He burglarized a market with the other two guys (who were at least smart enough to be juveniles so their pictures can’t be shown) and then made sure to take of his shirt before posing with their haul.

9. 3. At A Funeral

Again, this is something I wish was not a real problem. But it is. People, please if you just pick one of these rules to follow, make it me this one. No one wants to see you pose posthumously with your Nan. No one.

At a funeral home on FourSquare.

And please don’t make your dead relative into part of a college cheer.

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