1. Level 1: Not Much Love/Not Much Money
World’s Best Dad baseball cap. For a dad who’s always been there for you, but damnit you just had to replace the brakes on your car and you don’t have much cash.
Father’s Day card. This should at the very least be included with all other presents on this list. But if times are tough/you just reconnected with your dad after he left your mom 16 years ago/you have a step-dad and he’s kind of a jerk, the card might be the route for you. It says, “I care, but not much.”
Note: If you really hate him, make sure it’s written in Comic Sans.
What do dads like? Sports and being able to tell you how great they used to be at sports. Buy him a football and you’ll get to see him in action. This is a great opportunity to embarrass a bad father, or to grow closer with a good one.
4. Level 2: I Love You/I Just Got Paid
It’s not a super fancy set, but it’s everything you need* to pack up the ol’ station wagon and head out on an adventure with dad. Definitely something to buy if you want to spend more time together. Pair this with a weekend reservation at a nearby state park and you’ll look like you actually put some effort into Father’s Day.
Cost: $100 for the camping set, $30 for state park reservations
*S’more ingredients to be purchased separately.
Stone drink dispenser. Marrying a Flinstone aesthetic with booze is always a winner. Actually, for this particular occasion, anything with booze is a winner. Bonus, your mom will hate having this in the house, which will help you bond with your dad.
Cost: $125 and I assume another $125 to ship it, since it’s basically a giant rock with a hole in it.
Fact: Guys love gadgets. This Nike Fuelband looks like it came from the future, so it’s a guaranteed hit. Plus, you love your dad (hopefully) and want to keep him healthy, and this is a cool way to do it. It is a pedometer, calorie counter, and Nike Fuel (some weird made up points system) tracker all-in-one. It glows from green to red to let you know how well you’re doing with daily exercise goals.
7. Level 3: Best Dad Ever!/I Won The Lottery!
The full name of this one is the DRX Bamford Army vs. Navy Watch Collection. All you need to know is that it’s a limited edition watch that comes in it’s own Army or Navy lockbox, and features either Beetle Bailey or Popeye. Oh, and it costs $24,500.
Leica cameras are an icon of both style and quality. This safari edition comes with a pretty sweet carrying case and strap. Your dad will be able to act out all his Indiana Jones fantasies since, if you have the money to buy this camera, you should probably also send him on an adventure trip to Machu Picchu.
Cost: camera $10,000 adventure $8,000