Essential Toys For Hipster Children

As hipsters continue to age and produce little baby hipsters, the market for unreasonable and outlandish toys grows ever larger.

1. Modularean Eco House

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I grew a handlebar mustache just typing the name of this toy. It's an ultra-modern (and eco friendly) dollhouse. It begs to be looked at and not touched; curated by a fastidious child who enjoys Zooey Dechanel and whimsical taxidermy. It's currently one-of-a-kind, but I'm sure if enough people sign a change.org petition about it, we can coax it into production.

2. Fisher-Price Phonograph

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Awesome for hipster kids on two counts:

1) It's vintage

2) It's a record player that takes itself so seriously it's called a "phonograph".

No longer in production, but can be found on eBay, which makes it even more desirable.

3. Mustache Plushie

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Mustaches are the bat signal of hipsters. Might as well give your little hipster a head start with this adorable stuffed mustache with a mustache. It's like an inception for your face. No need for words (especially since your little one can't actually talk yet), this plushtache says it all. Available right now for $20 from Shawnimals.

4. Prince Lionheart Balance Bike

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The most important message your little hipster can send is that they are cooler than all the other kids. This sweet bike is the best way to do that. First, no pedals. Your kid is too cool for pedals. Second, it looks like a vintage motorcycle. That seat looks unbelievably uncomfortable, but oh so rockin'. You can buy these from a website called Prince Lionheart, which coincidentally should also be your kid's name. It's only $110, which is a total bargain for having the coolest kid at the park.

5. Krash Helmet

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So, let's face it, your kid is going to fall off that bike pretty much immediately. There are no pedals. But a helmet is the number one way to destroy any accrued cool points pretty much immediately. What's an awesome parent to do? Get an awesome helmet. Pair this with the Prince Lionheart and you'll be set. The only downside is that you can buy it at Target, which puts you in the awkward position of having to give money to "the man". But until Marc Jacobs starts making kids bike helmets, this is the best you'll be able to get.

6. Loog Guitar

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No question that your kid needs an acoustic guitar. Get this one and you'll be performing Bon Iver duets before you know it. This guitar is a Kickstarter project and your tiny wunderkind gets to assemble it, so it's like learning! Don't worry, the wood is sustainable, so no need to get all bummed out about trees while you're playin'. They're just $149 from Loog guitars.