1. Ben and Jerry’s, the home of delicious “pint-sized” likely crack-infused ice cream flavors, is celebrating its birthday!
And you’re invited to have a free cone!
3. Now that you know, here is a comprehensive listing of all the brilliant and absolutely necessary ways to celebrate the birth of these ice cream gods.
If you are not full of creamy goodness by midnight, shame on you.
4. 1. Find every participating Ben and Jerry’s store within a 50 mile radius and go on a scavenger hunt
Supermarket sweep that shit. Find ALL THE ICECREAM
5. 2. And screw that extra cone shit; be more efficient and layer up.
scoops on scoops on scoops
6. 3. If you can only find one Ben and Jerry’s establishment, try out the good ol’ disguise trick.
Kids at Halloween have perfected this art. I’d go for Harriet the Spy- so sneaky. They definitely won’t realize you’re the same person asking for more ice cream 20 minutes later. Okay five minutes.
7. 4. Mourn that bastard ex-boyfriend with the most ancient of cures:mounds of ice cream.
No man’s sexy abs can compare to the little fudgey fishes in Phish Food…NO ABS JUST ICE CREAM
8. 5. Or that ex-girlfriend.
Men can love Ben and Jerry too. Bro love is embraced. You eat that ice cream, Robert.
9. 6. Embrace ice cream as your new lover and soulmate and make Ben and Jerry’s birthday your official anniversary
10. 7. Release the sexual tension with your new ice cream lover
OW OW. This might “backfire” and get you an actual lover. DON’T CHEAT ON ICE CREAM
11. 8. Purposefully use ice cream to attract a new mate
Ice cream understand that it’s sexy. It’ll be your wingman.
12. 9. And if that backfires, take out your aggression on a heaping serving of Cherry Garcia.
Except remember, ice cream has feelings too. Mostly your feelings.
13. 10. And scare the neighbors in the process
14. 11. Create a shrine to ice cream
and its free delicious glory
15. 12. Host an ice cream social outside the doors of Ben and Jerry’s with all your closest friends
What actually is an ice cream social?
16. 13. Find that weird friend who doesn’t like ice cream and get them to give their free cone to you
You’ll promise to never make fun of them and their weird alien “not liking ice cream” thing ever again
17. 14. Gather your friends and build your own version of Candy Land
Hopefully you have a lot of friends and Ben and Jerry’s has a lot of samples
18. 15. Or Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs Ice cream snow day
god what an underrated fantastic movie
19. 16. Use your friend’s van and create a make-shift ice cream truck with your friends’ free cones
beware of cops thinking you’re a child rapist and Ben and Jerry’s being pissed off. Otherwise, solid idea.
20. 17. Try that coning prank everyone was so wild about
I tried it, I’m a cool kid
22. 19. Audition for Epic Meal Time by adding your free ice cream to all the other junk food in your cabinet
24. 20. Host an eating contest with your friends- fastest to finish the cone wins
Think of the fantastic potential Vine material here