1. “I can’t believe you’re still single!”
I can’t believe you’re still talking.
2. “You should stop being so picky.”
You should stop being such an idiot.
4. “When are you going to put a ring on it?”
When are you going put a sock in it?
5. “Aren’t you worried you’ll never get married?”
Aren’t you worried I’ll kick you in the shins?
6. “Are we going to hear the pitter patter of little feet soon?”
Am I going to hear you STFU soon?
7. “You DO want kids, don’t you?”
Nah I think I’ll have puppies instead.
8. “You’re not getting any younger you know.”
NO WAY I thought I was Benjamin Buttoning this shit.
9. “Thirty isn’t very far away!”
Thanks for reminding me that I’m going to die someday.
10. “You should take care of yourself now or you’ll regret it when you’re older.”
I’m TRYING, OK?!
11. “When I was your age I was already married with three kids.”
When you were my age you were also not me.
12. “It’s about time you settled down.”
It’s about time you minded your own business.
13. “That’s not really what you want to do with your life, is it?”
BITCH IT MIGHT BE.
15. “Don’t you think you spend too much?”
Don’t you think you talk too much?
16. “You should buy your own place; renting is such a waste of money.”
And talking to you is such a waste of my time.
17. “Why do you post so many selfies?”
Why are you so obsessed with me?
18. “You spend too much time online.”
You spend too much time thinking about this.
19. “You just can’t have it all.”
Yeah and you’re not making it any easier.
20. “You’ll feel differently when you’re older.”
What, I magically won’t want to cut you anymore?
- Zimbabwe's environment minister has called for Walter Palmer, the American dentist who killed Cecil the lion, to be extradited over the animal's death.
- Beijing has won its bid to host the 2022 Winter Olympics. It's the first city to host both the summer and winter games.
- A BuzzFeed News investigation lifts the lid on a security scandal that the police and MI5 tried to keep secret.