What Your Favorite 1990's Beanie Baby Says About You Now

(RE: BUZZFEED APPLICATION) You know 'em, you love 'em, and now they're in a box somewhere.

Quackers the Duck: your dumb optimistic ass joined Teach for America

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Strength: Relentless optimism

Flaw: You never ever quit. Ever. Seriously never. Please, just give up already.

Profession: Teach for America Teacher, and you stayed past your commitment. Of course.

Location: Ruining cocktail parties across the US with social justice banter.

Mystic the Unicorn: an EDM dj

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Strength: You always keep up with current trends, and you score free tickets for pals.

Flaw: You are VERY into yourself. You make Kimye look Mother Teresa modest.

Location: Probably Cochella

Trivia: Once shared an ice cream cone with Tiesto. Yes, we saw it on your instagram.

Chocolate the Moose: you do something at a cool company

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Strength: You are well liked.

Flaw: You care too much about what other people think of you.

Profession: You work for a non-profit, or netflix, google, groupon, somewhere likeable.

Location: Boston or Chicago

Lucky the Ladybug: an ironic government employee

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Strength: Reasonable, logical, organized

Flaw: Everyone thinks you can help them, and you really can't.

Profession: You work for the Department of Motor Vehicles.

Favorite Phrase: "Do you have the required documents?"

Peking the Panda Bear: an international business person

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Strength: Stability, longevity, financial planning

Flaw: You cannot stray from the plan, for any reason.

Trivia: At age 28 you already have $30,000 in your Roth IRA, but you've only been on one date since college.

Location: Jet setting

Pouch the Kangaroo: stay at home mom/ blogger

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Strength: Pinterest boards on point

Flaw: None. We want to hate you, but your kids are precious, your body is banging, and that pulled pork crock pot recipe was bomb.

Location: Our hometown.

Profession: Being the daughter my mother always wanted.

Speedy the Turtle: a weed dispensary worker

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Strength: Hilarious and chill

Flaw: Little to no intrinsic motivation

Profession: Weed dispenser

Location: Florida

Patti the Platypus: your chatty dental hygenist

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Strength: Friendly and positive disposition

Flaw: Incessant chatter about random bullshit while your fingers are in our mouths.

Trivia: Too easy. We all know everything about you

Location: Anywhere HMOs are accepted.

Flash the Dolphin: a closeted gay Republican Senator

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Strength: Uphold traditional American family values

Flaw: You are a bigot, liar, and want to, "Make America Great Again."

Trivia: Your name is also one of your favorite hobbies.

Location: California

Nip the Cat: making it

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Strength: The ability to land on all fours 100% of the time.

Flaw: Your success makes others feel inferior.

Idol: Tim Gunn, "Make it work!"

Profession: You worked at a start up that took off, started your own business, still had time to drop an itunes album.

Web the Spider: a community organizer/ social justice advocate

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Strength: You are all things good and equitable, great at making connections.

Flaw: You cannot shut up about your current cause or campaign.

Location: Brooklyn, NY (we know, we know, your family was there before the gentrification)

Humphrey the Camel: a doctor and huge slut

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Strength: You're extremely charming and charismatic.

Flaw: You've had sex more times than all the other beanies combined.

Trivia: Got rejected from med school on your first attempt.

Location: DC

Slither the Snake: your start-up failed, now you do porn.

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Strength: Free spirit

Flaw: Not midwestern parent approved.

Trivia: Starred in 378 "movies" since 2011.

Location: Houston, Texas

Squealer the Pig: just finished law school

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Strengths: Intelligence, drive, and humor. You're a packaged squeal.

Flaw: Your life is always harder, your hours always longer, your day always worse.

Trivia: Works "80 hours a week," but at least 20 hours are lunch, dinner, and internet trolling.

Location: Wherever the money is (a.k.a. nowhere near me)

Digger the Crab: what the hell do you do?

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Strength: Adventurous, you're always down to try something new.

Flaw: You are completely disorganized.

Profession: We don't know. We think you may be a travel writer meets bartender meets promoter meets humanitarian, but we can't be sure.

Happy the Hippo: computer programmer and coder

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Strength: Can make all of our websites. You actually know what the internet is.

Flaw: Boring.

Trivia: Favorite foods are burgers and fries.

Location: Denver or Portland

Pinky the Flamingo: an exotic dancer

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Strength: You are fun, ambitious, and always down to brunch or pool.

Flaw: Sad eyes give a glimpse into your past dreams to be a prima ballerina.

Location: Las Vegas, Nevada in a house you actually own.

Curly the Bear: accountant

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Strength: Stability and classic American style.

Flaw: You're. So. Boring. You were #basic before that was even a thing.

Favorite Phrase: "It is what it is." Yeah, we know, that is how being a noun works.

Location: Philly, but somehow you make it seem boring.

Pinchers the Lobster: specialty chef

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Strength: Creative, successful, and a deliciously craveable instagram.

Flaw: You've gained a little weight tasting your food, but damn it, it looks good on you.

Favorite Phrase: "Anyone can cook,"- Chef Gusteau, from Ratatouille.

Location: Manhattan, New York

Nuts the Squirrel: fresh out of rehab

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Strength: You are the life of the party.

Flaw: No limits, boundaries, or credit.

Trivia: You've been to rehab a few times, but this time, we know you can do it!

Motto: "The Motto," by Drake