23 Things That Would Make A Better Bachelor Than Juan Pablo

It’s OK.

1. Chris Harrison’s perfectly shaped thumb, ready to hand you roses week after week.

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2. The sweat behind Chris Harrison’s left knee; the promise of a hot and steamy life together.

3. Chris Harrison’s beauteous left dimple, which will make an appearance every time he smiles and tells you how perfect you are.

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4. Chris Harrison’s sturdy right elbow, shaped just right for him to put his arm around you.

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5. Chris Harrison’s adorable philtrum which, like you, will spend an eternity grazing his lips.

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6. The thing in Chris Harrison’s left pocket which, like Chris, is thrilling because it is shrouded in enigma.

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7. Chris Harrison’s stunning poof which, like his love for you, will never go down.

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8. This button, firm and secure, like a romance bound to last forever.

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9. The light reflecting off Chris Harrison’s nose, bright like his passion for a life with you.

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10. Chris Harrison’s chin, covered in just enough stubble to say, “I’m a man, but I am secure enough in my manliness not to grow a full beard.”

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11. Chris Harrison’s pocket square, a mark of both sophistication and playfulness.

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12. The tiny knuckle on Chris Harrison’s right pinky toe, because Chris knows that the little things matter most.

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13. Chris Harrison’s clavicles, on which he would generously – nay, selflessly! – let you rest your head through countless sultry nights.

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14. The space between Chris Harrison’s two front teeth, a barely-there sliver through which he will whisper sweet nothings.

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15. Chris Harrison’s glistening forehead wrinkle. This is a thinking man. A man who worries. Primarily about you.

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16. The makeup that rubbed off on Chris Harrison’s jacket, proving that he is willing to sacrifice his own perfection for yours.

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17. Chris Harrison’s left sideburn. Because “left sideburn” is only a few words away from “I’ve never left your side.”

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18. Chris Harrison’s missing hand, tucked away (if it exists), waiting for you to slip your own into.

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19. This feather, standing loyally by his side, like you someday will.

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20. Chris Harrison’s bellybutton lint, which you will giggle coyly and pretend not to notice, as he holds you in his loving arms.

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21. The glimmer in Chris Harrison’s eye, twinkling at the sight of you, glimmering like your future together, sparkling like a fairytale ending.

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22. Chris Harrison’s freshly ironed pants, just crisp enough to say, “I’m wearing pants now, baby, but in our relationship, we’ll share the pants.”

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23. Chris Harrison.

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