10 Signs You've Been In The Library Too Long

For all the students out there, I salute you. http://jellymalin.wordpress.com/

1. You’ve given up caring whether or not leggings are a socially acceptable replacement for trousers. Let it all hang out, children of the revolution.

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2. You’ve had days that your hair has been so greasy, you’ve taken it out of a top knot… And it stayed.

3. You really do think that stationary shopping is revision

Who's the boss now, Stabilo.

4. You’ve tried every combination of packed lunch that doesn’t leave you suicidal:

Salad + dressing = soggy lunch

Salad + no dressing = plasticy, brown and curly

Wrap + filling x tin foil = either intensely claggy, bone dry, or so broken and drippy it’s literally embarrassing to eat in public.

You’ve accepted your lot now and are back to white bread, ham and mustard, and have a new-found respect for Pret.

5. You’ve started to see that cultural stereotyping is both fruitful and enjoyable. It is, in fact, completely fair to decree that Asians: A. Love drinking weird things out of plastic jars

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This isn't bladdy Fortnum's, lav.

B. Skyping on silent

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Holla

C. Eating yogurt in weird contexts

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Like whilst wearing fish bowl earrings #asianyogwatch

D. Treating the library as an extended game of sleeping lions

Wakey wakey

Enterprising

Stop it

6. You’ve tried to be a smarty pants by hiding your books in the library and the next day you’ve forgotten where the fuck you put them

Naughty potato

7. You’ve become some kind of survival hero

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Empty Copella bottles filled with water on desk, wasabi peas fall out of every pocket, your bag’s full of knives and forks, mini packs of salt, chargers, hairspray, make-up… You’re basically Bear Grylls of the second floor.

8. You'll Instgram the hell out of anything to make your life seem less dull. Like books.

And plastic-flavoured salad

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And Friends Doing Really Mundane Things

Like drinking

And typing.

9. You’ve witnessed some of the roguest Googling of your life.

Case in point: my housemate oversaw someone doing a price comparision of AK-47s yesterday. Uh oh. Psycho alert.

10. In your head, ‘the walk of shame’ now means having to do at least 2 laps of the library before you find a seat.

You’ve perfected your ‘trying to look chill whilst looking for a seat’ face which is about 70% nonchalence, 10% furrowed brow, 20% total humiliation.

11. You’ve developed a library posse

You've got 'your spot'. And you’ve got your satellite spot for someone you know to sit near you – close enough to catch their eye when a comically loud sneeze occurs, but not close enough to distract you. In your head, you think of it as your library posse.

12. If you could get a degree in the Mail Online, Buzzfeed or reading blogs on how Made in Chelsea is actually post-modernist, you’d get a first alright.

Why can’t we all just get a degree in Jordan’s cup size?