83 Thoughts Non-Runners Have When They Run

*From the viewpoint of someone who really really wants to love to run....but can't because #torture

MTV / Via mtv.com

1. Iphone, check. Headphones, check, Iphone strap thingy, check, Outfit check. There are literally no more excuses. I must go.

2. Okay. Yeah. No. Yeah. Uh huh. I got this.

3. Up and down and up and down. Huh. This isn't so bad.

4. I'm feeling it. Let's speed it up

5. WHOO! YEAH. THIS IS EASY.

6. WHAT WAS THAT EVEN? A MAILBOX? A WHITE TIGER? WHO KNOWS?! THAT'S HOW FAST I'M GOING. EVERYTHING IS A BLUR.

7. I probably look so good right now.

8. No, I KNOW i look so good right now. Like Baywatch good.

Whatthebuck20.tumblr.com / Via giphy.com

9. I should be in one of those Nike Commercials, that's how good I look right now.

10. That guy is totally checking me out.

11. I should smile at him. I'm going to do it.

12. I might even pair it with a wave.

13. Oh look he's waving back--- he's calling out to me!

14. But my name isn't Sarah. Damn it. There's a girl behind me. He's talking to the girl behind me.

15. Of course he is.

16. She is obviously my arch enemy from this day until the end of time.

Tumblr.com / Via giphy.com

17. Whatever look at me I'm still running. That's impressive.

18. My legs are starting to hurt. Is that normal?

19. It's probably been like 3 miles by now let's check my -- 0.5 MILES? ARE YOU EVEN?! IS THIS EVEN WORKING?!

20. My fitbit is obviously broken. There is no other explanation.

21. Okay you know what, let's run like 4 more laps around the neighborhood and then call it a day, I can do that right?

22. Okay. energy decreasing, life source being drained.

23. ...... What do people even think about when they run?

24. Maybe they look at nature. Observe its beauty. Be one with what's around them.

25. Tree. Car. Pole. Tree. Another Tree. Plant. Car. Plant. Pole. Car. Nope.

26. I hate nature

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27. Is it NATURAL for us to run? Like come on. We've evolved there are cars now.

28. So maybe I should be driving in laps, because #evolution.

29. My car should be the one doing this.

30. Ugh I miss my car.

31. "Say something I'm giving up on youuu----" WHAT IS THIS. I MUST STOP IMMEDIATELY. THIS SONG DOES NOT WORK FOR RUNNING.

32. Who the hell put Say Something in my Pump-up workout list?

33. IT'S THE UNIVERSE TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING.

34. SAY SOMETHING UNIVERSE. Pun intended. Hahaha.

imgur.com / Via i.imgur.com

35. Ah great now people are looking at me because I'm laughing at myself.

36. Well now I have to find a running song.

37. I can't just RUN without MUSIC, I'm not some sick-twisted monster.

38. No, not this one, no not this one. But this one is good.

39. Ah yes, Workout B*** is perfect.

40. YEAH BRITNEY, WHOO FEELING IT LETS GO!

41. PUMP IT PUMP IT RUN IT OUT!

42. Oooh okay no. That's a hill. Let's speed walk it out.

knowyourmeme.com / Via i2.kym-cdn.com

43. I read somewhere that speed walking is better than running.

44. Because running is bad for your joints and stuff.

45. So technically, if I run too much I might be injured and then get early arthritis. Or Cancer

46. Obligatory "F*** cancer" here.

47. Yes, Britney, I am working out in a healthy way.

48. I wonder what Britney spears is doing now.

49. How many kids does she have? Like two?

50. But who is she even married to? Is she single.

51. These are very important questions that must be answered immediately.

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52. WAIT NO. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE RUNNING.

53. YOU CAN RUN. COME ON, THE HOUSE IS RIGHT THERE.

54. Pound it out yes. Ugh everything hurts.

55. Ignore the pain. Ignore the pain.

56. I read a quote online once that said pain is just a process in the mind.

57. Bet that guy never ran.

58. THIS IS TORTURE.

59. THIS IS THE WORST.

60. I FEEL LIKE IM GOING TO DIE.

intothegloss.com / Via intothegloss.com

61. AM I EVEN BREATHING CORRECTLY?

62. Is there a certain way I'm supposed to be breathing? Like with my mouth closed or open?

63. I'm not going to make it home. I'm just going to collapse here and die.

64. Tomorrow's headline: BEAUTIFUL GIRL RUNS TO HER DEATH! WHAT A LOSS.

65. There better be the word 'beautiful' in there somewhere.

66. How many calories did I burn? I bet like 500.

67. 147?!?!?! THATS LIKE HALF OF A BAGEL.

Buzzfeed / Via Giphy.com

68. I'm never eating again.

69. What am I talking about, I'm eating an entire pizza as soon as I get home.

70. I SEE MY FRONT DOOR. YES. WHOEVER SINGS THIS SONG! I WILL SURVIVE! DID I PLAN THIS SOUNDTRACK BECAUSE IM A GENIUS.

imgur.com / Via scifi.stackexchange.com

71. Is it Whitney Houston who sings this song? HOW DO I NOT KNOW THE SINGER.

72. Does it even matter, now? When I'm on the brink of death?

73. I SEE A LIGHT.

74. Unsure if it's heaven or my porch light.

75. Let's be real, if I'm going to the other side, that's probably not the direction I'm going.

76. AH YES THE DOOR! I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY TO SEE MY FRONT DOOR.

77. I traveled so many miles and here I am

78. 1.6 miles?!?!?!

79. I'm going to flush this fitbit down the toilet.

80. I'm also going to kill my roommate in her sleep, what does she mean "You're back already?"

81. IVE FACED DEATH AND TRAVELED BACK TO LIFE. SHE CAN SUCK IT.

82. Time for a well-deserved entire box of pizza.

83. That half-marathon next week is going to suck.