8 People Who Know How You Should Be Living Your Life And Aren't Afraid To Say It

We've all been to those awkward family Thanksgivings where you give the same three minute update on your life to every family member. Now that you're a grown adult, you don't have to wait till the holidays! Welcome to the adults table, chump.

1. Your Gam-Gam: Edna

Via psychologytoday.com

Edna's rules to living a long, healthy, successful life: Marry young (doesn't matter who, so long as you're under 21), help win a World War or two (war makes the world stronger!), and put a shot of bourbon in your coffee every morning.

2. Your Highschool Gym Teacher

Via fanduel.com

"I always knew you were soft. I mean honestly, if you had even applied yourself a little during the pacer test, imagine where you'd be now? Do you think Dick Cheney half-assed his way through gym? You bet he didn't!"

3. Your Uber Driver

He doesn't have to talk if you don't want him to, but man what is wrong with politicians these days? And that's to say nothing of all those young girls with their suggestive clothing, old people and their entitlements, or Millennials and their self-imposed debt! But yeah, he won't talk if you wanna just rest.

4. Paul Reubens

Via theatermania.com

Having made his entire career out of staying in exactly the same place, Reubens likes to think of you as an apprentice of his. "You're doing fine, Kid. Just keep making the minimum payments on that credit card, and there'll be a spot for you in the next Pee-wee reboot."

5. Uncle Rob

Via oddstuffmagazine.com

Now that you're too big for him to hold you up by the ankles, Uncle Rob has taken to preaching to you about his favorite topics: Gun control, breeding Labrador-retrievers, and why the world peaked in 1981.

6. Aunt Laura

Via blackenterprise.com

Aunt Laura's three favorite ways to greet you: 1) "So, did you decide to get your MBA yet?" 2) "You know, I hear garbage-people make excellent money." 3) "I warned your mother..."

7. Dr. Phil

Via ctv.ca

With his stern looks and Oprah-inspired success, Phil is here to tell it like it is. If you grow out a mustache, lean in just like this, and smile at even the most inappropriate of times, you can be just as successful as Phil!

8. Kim Kardashian

Via usmagazine.com

"Listen," says Kim. "People have told me since, basically, forever that I have no discernible talents. But that didn't stop me! Find whatever mediocre rapper you can and latch on!"