Holy guacamole! This 2009 s5 is for sale. Chiggity check it out!
This car is actually for sale. The ad is for entertainment purposes as well.
WHAT UP PEOPLE??? Obviously if you're reading this you're thinking, "Man, I really want to buy a badass car." Well guess what? That's what I've got here. So today is your luckier than a normal day.
Have you noticed that there is no spice in your life and women just won't sleep with you? Have you tried everything from HGH and Muscle Milk, to the shake weight, to OKCupid and Tinder and they just don't seem to work? Does your mom continue to tell you how good looking you are and that "you're a catch," and "any woman would be lucky to have you"? Yet, it's just not happening, is it?
"So, what can I do?" you ask.
Well you could always go on Maury and complain about how your sister's husband's mother keeps trying to slip a roofie in your drink and take you home to do a little Harry Potter role playing… Or maybe you could try to be a nice guy and buy Jerry from your office a tube of poo-pourri so he could stop blowing the place up while you hit on Maria. Or you could do one better: buy a new freaking whip and solve all of life's problems! Got toenail fungus? Cured. Burnt your eyebrows off playing with fireworks? BOOM!!! They're back. Your last Billy goat jumped off of a bridge because he didn't want to spend another day with you? Reincarnation is in the future!! AMEN!! I'm telling you, this car has worked miracles for me. I have never been so rich and had so many friends. Women literally latch on to my feet trying to get even a smidge of my attention. I had to beat a woman off with a sweet potato once. Crazy stuff. Did you hear about the time I slept with 5 women when camping? It was IN TENTS!
So now that you've realized how bad your life is and how good I can make it, let's take a look at this miracle machine. It all started back in 2009 when August Horch came back to life and designed the Audi S5. He had so many ideas that he'd been thinking about for years. "Let's make this car a complete chick magnet," he said. After a year of copying most of what the Audi engineers designed in 2008, they threw a 9 over the 8 and there it was, this reinvented beauty.
Let's go on a picture odyssey and see what we have to offer.
So check it. Throw your perfect pushups in the trash. Get rid of that 1961 Dodge Dart you have sitting in the driveway and come get your new life. This ride has made me a better man. It got me friends, a woman, four artist's rendition paintings of the popcorn button on the microwave, and a brand new pair of double bladed windshield wipers for my SWEET new shades. I quit my job as a SANDWICH ARTIST down at the local QUIZOHNOS. Who needs a job when you got this car?
Buy this car from me. The only way I can see it, you can't lose.
2009 Audi S5 Prestige - $35,000 obo.
CPO until the end of July, 2014
~51,000 miles
Located in Arlington, VA and/or Scranton, PA
AWE Track Exhaust (I have the stock if you want it)
Window Tint @ 35%
New Brakes with <750 miles on them
New Michelin Pilot Super Sports with <2000 on them
10/15mm spacers
The car has every all the options! Ran over a silver vampire killing stake? DING DING, TPS sensors to the rescure!
Audi performed all maintenance
NO accidents
A bunch of VAG-COM mods done (VIM, Lights, ETC)
I'm in the process of buying another car. This should be available within the month but may have some delay on it. I'm sure we can work something out. Send me a PM or you can email my spam email address: hotlineshiz at HOTMAIL dot com
Check out the ad here
http://www.audizine.com/forum/showthread.php/604193-Holy-guacamole!-This-2009-s5-is-for-sale-Chiggity-check-it-out!
Share This Article
